DebraBee

The woman got up early to make coffee and read. As she sat at her kitchen table she saw her bible still sitting where she’d laid it down the week before. Momentarily she thought about trying to read it but with coffee in hand she went to the front door to gather the newspaper from the porch. An hour later after reading all the print she wanted, she began to ready herself for church.

Dressing in her best suit she decided to add a small flower to her lapel. Inwardly she felt lonely and hoped the added touch would draw enough attention that maybe she could make a new friend. Picking up her purse she made sure to pick up the bible before walking out the door.

Coming home later she put her bible back on the table and went to change her clothes. Afterwards she picked up the flower and looked at it closely. It was so pretty but no one seemed to notice and her heart ached with loneliness. Why wouldn’t anyone really talk to her beyond just pleasantries? She had gone to church to make friends.

Taking her flower into the kitchen she put it in a small vase sitting on her kitchen table. Seeing her bible next to it she wondered about something she’d heard in the hymn from that morning. It spoke of having a friend in Jesus and taking it to the Lord in prayer. Sitting down at the table she closed her eyes and spoke a simple sentence, “Jesus, I am lonely and I want friends.” In the quiet she knew she heard a whispered answer. “I AM here, spend time with Me.”

Opening her eyes the first thing she saw was her bible. Reaching for it she let her tears drop onto its cover and opening the pages she began to read.

Hypocrisy in meaning is a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles. It also means a pretense of having some desirable or publicly approved attitude. Pretense is simply feigning, make-believe, pretend or a false show of something.

I cannot live a life of hypocrisy nor can I pretend to be something I am not. I am one of the most flawed people upon the planet. My virtuous character is best described in that I don’t try to eat grapes in the store when I haven’t paid for them yet. My moral, beliefs and principles I keep learning from the bible I read. The more I look at people around me, the more I realize how open I need to be. I don’t want anyone looking at me for their barometer. I am not Paul of the epistles. I am Debra the flawed.

Only Jesus can be our measure of character. He alone knew we couldn’t bear up under the burden to be perfect. He gave us His life so we wouldn’t have to be hypocrites. The rest is simple. In our flawed state we give grace to others, remembering how much we too need this precious gift.

Col 3:13 Make allowances for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others

 Rom 15:1 We who are strong must be considerate of those who are sensitive about things like this. We must not just please ourselves. We should help others do what is right and build them up in the Lord.

Eph 4:2 Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowances for each other’s faults because of your love

I don’t like what I see in that one over there. I don’t like what I hear in the one speaking next to me. And that one across from me doesn’t look right at all. Why is he laughing too much? Why is she shaking like that? That other guy seems to know it all whenever he gets up to talk. If that woman comes to ask me one more time to how I feel I may run away screaming. The woman who just wants to hug me makes me uncomfortable. What about the guy who seems too jovial or that other guy doesn’t speak at all?

Here is what the LORD says: A cluster of grapes that produces wine is worth keeping! So, because of my servants, I won’t destroy everyone. (CEV Isa 65:8)

Tongue in cheek perhaps, but still a worthwhile observation. We need each other very much to make a great wine for the world to partake of.

He held his hat upside down in his hand, feeling the hunger of his belly. One by one the cars drove past him and still he smiled. Inwardly he knew what they must think. He was too lazy to work, he preferred drugs or alcohol, or perhaps he was touched in the head, unacceptable in social circles. Taking a deep breath he again asked for strength beyond this circumstance. Hours passed and he nursed a small bottle of water at his feet. Few persons saw him with eyes of love. Some dropped coins into his head covering out of an obligation to teach their small children buckled in the backseats how to pity the poor. Still he smiled. There were some who taunted him to chase the bills held out of their hands. He did the chase too and smiled while they made a game of it. Hearing their cruel laughter he’d do his best to keep up with the vehicle as it drove faster with a hand holding money at arm’s length. When they were willing to give up the bills he smiled, but even when they only wanted to amuse themselves he shared his smile.

Staying as long as he could, it was time, and he was needed elsewhere. When his water bottle emptied he’d put any coins or bills into his pocket and once more turn the hat upright for covering. With night falling he’d walk up to the top of a small hill nearby, his belly still growling with hunger. Garbage lay strewn all about from other homeless souls, but he enjoyed the aged limbs of an olive tree set over this small valley. Emptying his pockets he spoke aloud, “all for You”.

Looking up he smiled.

Matthew 25:40-45 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and: sisters of mine, you did for me.’ “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’ They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

 

Her feet loved the warmth the rock had absorbed from the heat of the sun. She had been sitting upon this rock a long while listening to the roar of the waterfall, feeling its mist cover her body, wetting her hair. Gazing at its beauty she silently enjoyed the rainbow hovering above the rushing white liquid. The water flowed from sources she could not see or even imagine for abundance.  This flow poured into a pool of deep green, its depth she couldn’t gauge. All of her senses delighted in this special place.

Her heart and mind turned once more to her true love, her treasure, her Lord. Standing upright she moved closer to the edge where the roar felt as though it would overpower her very thoughts. Looking down at the pool she knew it was time to drown. Diving outward she put her arms overhead letting her hands come together like an arrow. Time felt slow as she sailed through the air from a height that seemed dizzying, wondering if this was what it was to fly. Hitting the water she didn’t do anything to stop her momentum. She could feel her ears pop with the pressure of the water’s depth.

Feeling herself slow, she opened her eyes to see more beauty still. Her body began to rise quickly and breaking the water’s plane her lungs took in a deep breath. Swimming forward she put herself directly under the water’s spillage. Soaking in this place she sang in her heart, “Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls. All Your waves and billows have gone over me.” She began to drown in the love of the Lord.

*Psalm 42:7

Photo source http://www.allabouthoneymoons.com/Blog%20Images/Kauai/Kauai-Waterfall.jpg

Keep thinking about how to mount a great defense, and if I let myself go for too long I can picture blowing up an amazing hot air balloon. Looking at it with natural eyes you would think it to be a thing of true beauty; to see and behold from miles away, with people going ooohhh and aaahhh. Oh but wait, it would be filled with nothing but hot air! Love again pokes a hole into that wind of heated breath and teaches me to listen, to learn, to wait and pray. While this deflating balloon falls back to earth I can see with better perspective, up close and personal.

Mat 26:62-3a And the high priest arose and said to Him, “Do you answer nothing? What is it these men testify against You?” But Jesus kept silent.

I can’t hear your voice when you yell at me. I can’t hear your voice when you tell me how I messed up. I can’t hear your voice when you preach at me. I can’t hear your voice when you lecture me. I can’t hear your voice when you tell me to be something I’m not. I can’t hear your voice when you want me to be, well…you.

I can feel your hugs. When you are sharing with love, I can hear everything better… especially your voice.

I am not really cut out to read much news. It literally makes me want to grab hold of the very neck of our nation and slap heads while screaming, “snap out of it”! Of course while screaming I wonder if anyone would see the tears in my eyes or hear the choking in my voice. Would they see into my heart the reasons I carry for wanting them to stop being deceived and manipulated? Would they see my desire for them to awaken from looking at headlines and look to God for hope and healing? Probably not I think; they would only feel my angry touch and tone out my shrill voice.

Putting myself in check, I again pick up my pen and choose love. It can be a difficult walk to love no matter what you see, no matter what you hear. It’s emotional, it’s discouraging, it’s fraught with traps to stumble you. Wanting to see change immediately but instead being patient to let God work. And still we get up every day, choosing to journey in this world because we know we are needed. We are the ones chosen for this generation. We are the ones crying out day and night in prayers for those around us. Our names are not in any headlines and we are not the popular crowd in worldly circles. We are misunderstood and misrepresented because we choose not to ‘just go along’. In our hearts we also know others are meant to join us in this battle of hope. Quietly we wait for each of them to finally see who they are and what they are meant to do.

Yet where sin was powerful, God’s kindness was even more powerful. Sin ruled by means of death. But God’s kindness now rules, and God has accepted us because of Jesus Christ our Lord. This means that we will have eternal life. (Rom 5:20b-21)

I tell you, the angels of God rejoice over one sinner who repents (Luke 15:10b)

Written for and dedicated to…      I love you

I lay back with the book resting on my chest feeling the tender touch of it upon my heart once more. I kept thinking about His precious words of promise and hope. The Lord your God in your midst. The Mighty One will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. I could hear the hum of music in my mind from an old tune, “killing me softly with his song, telling my whole life with his words…he sang as if he knew me in all my dark despair”. I couldn’t stop the tears even if I wanted to so I lay still letting them run freely.

I picked the book up off my chest, letting myself die with each word taken in. He knew me, He knew everything; even that I had grown weary of running from His piercing love. I breathed in deep, understanding that although I was dying to this life I was being reborn into His life. I longed to hear His song of rejoicing over me…someday…someday.

* Scripture Zeph 3:17

* Lyrics from Killing Me Softly by Roberta Flack

I held the hose in my hand over a particular portion of dirt; a place where only wild grass grew. I desired to soften the ground. I had turned up the soil already and wanted to make it ready for planting something fruitful. Standing there watching the water soak into the earth I got lost in my imagination…

It was night and the stars shone brightly. I was a woman free, without inhibitions. The water and soil were readily mixed and I knew instinctively what to do. Alone under the stars I undressed, standing naked under the night sky. Stepping into the mixture I began to dance, singing my secret prayers of the spirit. Round and round my feet made circles in the muddy soil, splashing up on my calves and thighs. I wore no shame for my naked condition. Singing aloud I uttered syllables, humming prayers while looking upwards. Laughing, I remembered the little girl inside me and dropped to my knees. I plunged my hands into the softened dirt. Taking handfuls of this muddy mixture, I spread it upon my hair, my face, by body. I was created from this dust. Looking upward, I wondered at my God who had created these stars, this earth and me….