All You Say

And you say
All my hope is in you

And you say
All I am is in you

And you say
All you speak is the truth

and you say
and you say
and you say

And Lord, I believe
In all that you say
In all that you speak

“What If They Just Can’t Give It To You?”

“What if they just can’t give it to you?” My face didn’t change. I didn’t do anything that would give away the hint of what had just been done in my heart. I continued to carry on the conversation as it played out, but inside I was being rocked by a revelation of truth. My husband spoke such a simple sentence; however its significance led me to make a note of it.

Later I played the sentence over and over in my heart, pondering the depth of its truth. I kept thinking about love, hope, help, healing, forgiveness, trust, friendship and dozens of other things we desire from our family, friends and people in general. We can become so disappointed by what we don’t receive from them. It doesn’t always dawn upon us, “what if they just can’t give it to you?”

To understand the fullness of what was spoken to me, I had to take a stroll through my own life as I had experienced it. The people I wanted to love but didn’t know how. The times I wanted to trust yet my wounds only made me fear trying again. The friendships I never entered into because I thought they’d only use me.

This stroll down memory lane was eye opening for how I am meant to see others. If they themselves can’t give me anything than I must recognize it’s because I need to give it to them.


Looking out the window I watched the slight drizzle of rain. My thoughts drifted in and out while I mindlessly strummed on a guitar. The notes were vague but suited my emotional state. I’d stood in that same drizzling rain earlier, waiting with a friend and my hair was still damp.

Sitting still, I could feel the inward battle raging. My immature nature wanted to toss the room, just so I could respond to the activation my heart felt to be a woman of action. A burning tear ran down my cheek, knowing it wasn’t yet time. Discipline was the lesson of the day.

Justified In Love

We as people want to “justify” our purpose, our life, our very being. All around us we see examples of lives lived to validate our existence. What a revelation if we can finally grasp the fact we are loved. Nothing more needs to be done on our part except love and be loved. The ultimate justification of our own existence is love.

Ode To Past

Everything is arranged

Neat, clean, nothing out of place

When they look into my life

All seems well, smile on my face

Every question has an answer

Nothing to suggest I don’t know

I have to be together

It’s all about the show

I put on my top hat and tails

It’s time for the dance

As long as they are watching

Choreographed, nothing for chance

Weary, weary needing breath

Why do their eyes focus in on me

The performance is getting old

Do I dare let them see

Home For The Holidays

I felt a chill as I grabbed my things from the car. The clear skies had become gray and cold. I put on my gloves as I walked up into the park. My thoughts were drawn back to the memories of when I had felt most alone. I’d had nowhere to go for the holidays. Having a job and a place to live weren’t enough without relationships that mattered.

Cresting the hill I saw the festive santa hats worn by friends and despite the cold of my body, my heart felt warmed. Milling about were our friends who didn’t have homes or relationships yet. I wasn’t able to travel to see my own family this year but in this environment I knew I was home. I was surrounded by friends sharing coffee, cocoa, a meal and laughter. These were the relationships that mattered.

Foundational Rocks

My eyes felt heavy and I longed for my pillow to lean against the cold glass. Waiting wasn’t my specialty, but it seemed like I’d spent a couple days doing just that as needed. My head leaned up against the cold plastic while I sat in my car with a friend, feeling quiet. I’d been with her the last couple of days for these type of moments, and many others the past couple of months. We hadn’t planned them, they just seemed to come about. Those needing help kept coming into the path of our walking friendship.

I keep looking at these moments with more than a casual glance. They are defining my life as I live it, and the character of my nature as it continues to mature into who I am to become. Also, they define the friendships I want to have. Each of these broken people we come together to help seems to put another rock in the foundation of my life.

The “Others”

“Will you still love me when I’m down and out, in my time of trial, will you stand by me?”

I’d listened to these words multiple times the day before. I hadn’t heard them since I was a teen. The tune was playing in my head and I sought to find it on the internet. Once found, I made use of the “play over” button. Eventually I turned off the feed and forgot about it for the afternoon.

Walking into a house today, the significance hit for why the song was playing for me. It’s so easy for those of us who have family, friends and homes of comfort to forget the “others”. When I say others, I am speaking inclusively of where we ourselves have come from, and those in our family and friends whom we know are in a place of desperation. It still is playing in my heart…..

“Will you still love me when I’m down and out, in my time of trial, will you stand by me?”   *

* Lyrics by Tanya Tucker, Would You Lay With Me

Albacore Offering To Survive

Conversations with the man led me to face a concept I wasn’t comfortable with; feeding a cat who would like nothing more than to eat my face. The way he looks at me, I know he’s merely waiting for an opportunity to make play with my lips and bat my eyes about the room like yarn balls. Time to hold him off for the moment with some of my albacore tuna.

Inwardly I wonder if my survival instinct can be justified as a love offering? Yeah…probably not, so I will have to ask for even greater heart adjustments in this area.