The heart was sick; it knew not its condition. It continued to feed on the loathsome emptiness of the world. In the night, while at rest, it would cry out for its own need, but once wakened, again would run toward the pleasures of life. Not recognizing them to be of deceit. Day by day the heart grew darker, losing its healthy hue. Night by night it would forget itself to dream the dream of truth.
Pro 27:19 As in water face reflects face, So a man’s heart reveals the man.
I look often at the white clouds against the background of the bluest skies. These clouds seem so far away. I comment to my Father who walks beside me, “Your wonders are marvelous Abba and I enjoy them, will You show me more?” He draws my eyes to the flowers beside me so I can touch them, ever so gently, with my fingertips.
When I know I’ve done something I shouldn’t in my weakness, I share with my Father, “Abba, I messed up again, can you help me lean upon Your strength and give me the desire to walk uprightly once more?” He floods my heart to remind me of all His promises to have mercy upon me because He knows the frailty of my flesh.
In His vastness to have created all of heaven and earth, my senses become overwhelmed, and I drop to my knees in recognition. “Abba Father, You have the universe and beyond to show off Your glory and yet You spend all Your time letting me know how You’re right by my side. Who am I, that You would love me so?” My beloved spoke, and said to me, touching the deepest places of my heart, “Rise up, my love, my fair one, And come away.”*
“Am I a God near at hand,” says the Lord, “And not a God afar off? Can anyone hide himself in secret places, So I shall not see him?” says the Lord; “Do I not fill heaven and earth?” says the Lord. Jer 23:23-24, * Sol 2:10
I read to him from the book in my hand. I had read it earlier, but even repeating it brought more tears. The pages shared the death of two people; how they impacted the lives around them. One was a businessman, the other was only fourteen. I was not sad. I was overcome by joy in the fact they had made their lives amount to something for others, however long, however short.
Without words he picked up his guitar and began to play. I began reading silently, enjoying my husband’s gift. He too was impacting lives all around him; I was touched to have been chosen to be one of them.
Take me back to the first time…..
I smelled the ocean’s breeze
Flew above the clouds in an airplane
Walked barefoot in the grass
Saw the Redwoods towering overhead
Danced to a song
Read a story that made me cry
Heard waves crash upon a beach
Laughed without restraint
Walked in the coolness of a cave
Drank fresh water when I was thirsty
Felt the hug of one who loved me
Take me back to the first time….
I met you Father
Let every day be new again
Looking out the window, I was fascinated by the raindrops creating perfect circles in the puddles on the sidewalk. Behind me I could hear quiet conversations and music playing. I’d come again to meet with others; giving ourselves over to praying for those who desired it; to share love, hope and faith.
Across town my husband was gathering with others too. He was in the poorest of neighborhoods, picking up trash in the children’s playground area of a small park. He picked up empty baggies stamped with gang identification for their drugs and small packets of rolled up foil. It was a good day to lay up our treasures in heaven.
Heb 10:24 Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.
I could hear the thunder and I wondered at its sound upon the mountain where Moses walked. Its might and power which caused the hearts of warriors to melt inside of their chests. Their fear making them cower and say to Moses how they did not want to go any further, rather they wanted him to go for them.
Another round of thunder punctured the sky and I opened my front door, longing to see it with my own eyes. I desired to have the curiousness of Moses; to go forward and have face to face conversations in the cloud with my heavenly Father. I wanted the mountaintop experience.
Exo 20:18-19 When the people heard the thunder and the loud blast of the ram’s horn, and when they saw the flashes of lightning and the smoke billowing from the mountain, they stood at a distance, trembling with fear. And they said to Moses, “You speak to us, and we will listen. But don’t let God speak directly to us, or we will die!”
And the princess came out of the forest wilderness. Following the path, she could see the meadow of flowers all around her. Not far in the distance she saw the hand of her Prince beckoning her to come away with Him. It was time to reign beside Him.
* Artwork by Naomi @ Bethel Church, Redding, CA
I have touched ever so briefly the love everlasting. My heart burns because of it. I sit in the place of fire and at times feel I will succumb to my longing to be done. A touch is not enough though. To taste of a love so beautiful as to surpass all my understanding only increases my desire for more. I cannot settle for less when I know there to be greater.
Psa 27:4 One thing I have desired of the LORD, That will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD All the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the LORD, And to inquire in His temple.
A hurt entered my heart with just a question. It penetrated my thoughts unexpectedly. I was still in my skin but my heart was a train wreck. I pulled back again into myself, wondering what and why I was to visit this place. What more could I do? I was a mere mortal with all the limitations of my flesh to stop me from being the super being I longed to be.
The answer came quickly. There was nothing “I” in myself could do at all. I wrestled again with lack of control, but it was a futile battle. Laying myself down, I became still and asked once more for the desire to listen, to understand, to grow beyond my own nature. I stopped thinking about the question that brought me to this place. It was time to just seek the wisdom in the experience.
I stood in the room but I felt very outside of it. Looking around I could see many faces, I could even hear the conversations but none seemed to need my attention. I took note of each life I was watching and wondered what to pray about them. I begin hearing a song I know but I can’t remember it’s content. All I can recognize is one sentence…”I’m on the outside, I’m looking in.”
Later while still and quiet, I realize I am able to revisit the very room and again see every face. Now it makes sense for why I could mentally record the moment. I know I am to come here often and talk to my Father. I still am outside but looking in; I recognize the privilege to be here.