A knock came in the early hours when I hadn’t yet fully awakened. My tired state wanted to ignore it, but a curiosity to know who it was calling upon me at this hour roused me to get up. I asked, “Who is it?” to which I could hear clearly, “It is I beloved.” Opening the door I welcomed Him who loved me. I didn’t need to ask Him to come in, my opening the door had already extended the implied invitation. I turned on a lamp to see by and reached for my worn bible while feeling the hunger within. It was time to dine together.
Rev 3:20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.
There was a call for all who desired to come forward and “get all” of what the Lord had for them. Most everyone responded to the invitation, understanding that no one would be left out, no matter how long the line. I stood in the line with expectation in my heart, humming with anticipation. As people crowded closer trying to move forward, the reality of what it must have been like in Jesus’ day sunk in.
I let my mind imagine a flashback into history. Streets of dirt, open sewage ditches, lack of amenities such as soap, shampoo, toothbrushes and deodorant. No medical facilities, no stores with refrigeration, no welfare programs and the list went on. These were conditions in Jesus’ day, but even now poor nations still live like this.
The line I stood in offered none of the smells of desperation. A sense of humility fell upon me. This moment was not to be treated as “common”. I needed to know the desperate state of my own diseased heart; my heart which had much yet to learn of compassion, mercy, love and generosity. My heart needed healing so that I could give my life away fully, holding nothing back in reserve. Today I was asking for the “heart of a lion”!
Luke 9:24 (NLT) ” If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for My sake, you will save it.”
In between conversation, I looked out the window into the night. We were driving through the small foothills and I could make out their shadowy outlines against the night sky. The stars were hidden behind rain clouds dropping a steady drizzle on the valley. My mind was so full I just wanted to be on one of those hilltops. I imagined sitting in the rain for a while, feeling the wet soak into my clothes, into my hair, to know how absorption really worked.
Closing my eyes I asked silently, “Lord, give me a mind that can absorb all You have shared with me, because right now I feel like things are already falling out of my brain container.” In time I could hear I had asked the wrong question. It wasn’t my brain He wanted me to absorb with, it was my heart.
The parking lot is empty. Rows and rows, lined out for how we are expected to fall into place. Line upon line; all to fall into place. One by one the cars come into place. Wearily the attendant waves each onto a new space but the message doesn’t seem to be received.
“For the oppression of the poor, for the sighing of the needy, now I will arise,” says the LORD; “I will set him in the safety for which he yearns.” Psalm 12:5
I can barely look at headlines without feeling a wave of sickness come upon me. Facts are distorted, hype is encouraged and distraction a tool to keep our eyes away from truth. We are all being challenged in our perception. Generations have been lulled into sleep for what’s really going on, but is anyone hearing the bells of opportunity to awaken?
The plan had obviously gone left and I just rolled with the outcome…
We stood on the porch of a stranger’s house. A new acquaintance was sharing what he had to say and we tried to focus on what he was speaking. Once he began to repeat his information, I mentally left for a bit, trusting my friend to keep her focus on him. Looking out onto the street, I saw my car idling. It couldn’t go anywhere until I gave it direction with steering.
Looking back at this man, he had a ministry. He too was a car needing direction. He was a spiritual father. He desired prayer and for the next few minutes that’s what we did. He was different from my friend and I, yet here we were, standing together in unity.
Later when I was alone, my attention was drawn to an old song….”maybe someday we will find, that it wasn’t really wasted time”.
Closing my eyes, I could envision a plane flying in and out of the white clouds dotting the sky. The plane was an old style biplane with a seat in the open air to feel the wind rush against my face. I was both inside and outside of the plane, flying it and observing it being flown.
The land below was a tapestry of fields. Different shapes and sizes made them look like a quilt of beautiful design. I watched myself rolling and dipping the plane, both rising higher and falling lower. It was a ballet in the deep blue around me. I alone was the dancer and I could feel my Father’s eyes upon me.
I listened to music softly playing. I could hear it as a choreographed complement to my every maneuver. The beauty was indescribable and looking into the horizon I could see no boundaries, only more sky to explore.
Opening my eyes, I was once more before my journal holding my pen. The sensation of flying lingered and reaching up my hand, I could feel the wetness upon my cheeks. I longed to go back again into the depths of that blue horizon….