I love to write and be inspired to write by the Lord Himself. Lately I have had to sit myself down and apart in order to put personal things in my life back on track with what the Lord is asking of me. In obedience I will set down my pen until He alone gives me a green light and the words to write once more. Meanwhile I am to just be quiet and listen.
I sat in the sun with a friend in her driveway. She had found photos of her life and I was privileged to share the memories with her as she laughed.
The guy was taking a leak against the wall when we walked past him on a city sidewalk. To his credit the man was discreet to keep himself covered and he had his back to us, but there was no surprise for what he was doing. He was homeless and had no immediate facilities to use.
She stood outside a public restroom in the park smoking a cigarette and drinking a bottle of water. As I went inside, her purse was laid out openly, along with a folder holding a newspaper ad for “jobs wanted”. Her cell phone was plugged into a socket over the sink charging. She asked us if we knew where there might be work. I didn’t.
A line of people began to form as we moved past them to go to a park fronting city hall. I didn’t see any kind of bus sign and their nature made me wonder what they gathered for. Later as we passed them again we had to walk through their line. My friend inquired about what they were waiting for. We were informed “free curry” was to be served shortly. These people in line were homeless, hungry and broke.
Mental snapshots taken of the world around us as we traveled through it this week…
She’s Gone! Well, he didn’t exactly say those words, but I could tell his testosterone level was rising with each day drawing closer to my being out of the house for a couple days. Little did I know how anxious he was for a “guys night”?
Happy Father’s Day Abba! Oh how I long to see you face to face, to walk with you and hear your conversation in a voice I will recognize. I desire to know your ways Father, show me your heart and help me to bless yours. I want my life to be one of worship, all for You.
Looking up at the night sky I could see so many stars. I could make out the pine tree’s outline against their brightness. It was time to “feel” something more again, something more than just thoughts darting about in my head.
I stood at the edge of the pool looking at the water for a moment or two and it just made sense. I turned around making sure the heels of my feet were right against the edge. Holding out my arms from my side I let myself fall backwards into the water. The cold was a shock to my body and staying under for a minute I enjoyed not hearing the wind anymore.
Coming up for air, I took another look at the stars overhead. This was good. I was alone with my Father again. Wondering about His ways in this world I began to swim back and forth to meditate upon who He is.
My restlessness can push me to wander and roam but I dislike being aimless so I will often take my journal and sometimes a camera wherever I go. Then I can justify myself if all I capture is one beautiful moment. My time won’t feel wasted.
This afternoon I hungered to see a bridge in the light of sunset so I asked my husband to take me for a drive. I knew where I wanted to go and he was gracious enough to grab some gear and be open to an adventure of some kind. His trust touches me and I don’t always understand why he will follow me when he doesn’t know where I may be taking him.
Another life lesson for me which I thought about as we drove along the narrow country road. There are so many lessons to learn and I seem to be a full time student.
My alarm rang too early for my body to want to respond, but my mind was already speaking out to the Lord, His good and mighty word! I’d like to say I finished my prayer but truth be told, I slipped back into an unconscious state rather quickly. This action repeated itself about three times before I finally let my feet hit the floor. It still took a good minute or two under a wet shower before I was finally awake. Even in these moments I take up my prayer right from where I could remember drifting off.
I don’t know how else to live my life these days except in the honest frailty of my human nature. My Father knows everything about me so there is no sense in putting on some phony stench of “holy” countenance. I don’t always drop to my knees, I don’t always lay with my face in my carpet of dog hair, I don’t always even know what I should speak. Sometimes the moments I have in His presence are those I spend chatting with Him about what most would call, “the little things”.
“Hey Father, you know I had a rough day at work yesterday and I wasn’t very patient with that dude from Nigeria. How should I have dealt with him better Abba?”
“Daddy, I want to give something to you today, will you open my eyes to see how it can happen?”
“My ironing is taking too long Father, can you give me some favor in traffic?”
“Wow, this is an awesome song Lord, can we hear it again?”
My personal favorite…..”thank you Father for how much patience you have given me to be nice to my husband’s cat!”
As full as my life can be I also have times of inexpressible sorrows. Nothing outwardly is wrong but inside there is just a crushing going on. My logical mind can’t wrap itself around what may be happening and as I try to diagnose my heart’s emotional frailty I start guessing at what I need to do in order to “get by”.
Still I let go of my old ways of comforting my soul and seek out the presence of my heavenly Father. On my face will I be until a lifting of the heaviness moves off. I confess openly, I prefer the joy of the Lord to these moments of sorrow, but I will not be moved from the one who comforts me in my brokenness.
Ps 119:50 My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life
“Well behaved women seldom make history” read the bumper sticker on the car in front of me. I will refrain from commenting in the aggressive manner my mood is feeling but I will say….bull!