I woke up this morning feeling anything but saved and I can’t even tell you why. Some days are like that, as if my spiritual covers were pulled off of me in the night. Now I could waste lots of time struggling with the insecurities of my feelings but instead I choose to grab hold of truth and start reminding myself of who I am in Christ.
Ever hear the term “hopeless romantic”? Ever lived it? I used to. My romantic nature is so strong I could never understand what drove my restlessness even when I would have thought myself to be complete in a relationship I am fully committed to. Then one day I read something that made sense and I understood the deeper thing in myself.
C.S. Lewis….”If we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, also we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world.”
No longer was I hopeless. My search for truth took me into the greatest love story being written just for me. Better still, I get to take those I love most with me.
Love stories are so personal aren’t they? Romance novels or headlines in a magazine can’t offer you what you desire. This I know full well. Now and again I ask my husband the all important question….”will you marry me?” He always answers with an enthusiastic “YES!”
Why do I ask him? Well, let’s just say I am a woman who has found love I wasn’t looking for. When my husband asked me to marry him I was so hesitant I almost got sick to my stomach during the “ceremony”. True confession! In the years to follow I have been given the ultimate gift of absolute faith.
Originally I used to say my husband made me want to be a better person but then I came to understand something phenomenal. It wasn’t the man I was so in love with as much as it was the Jesus in the man!
Education is a beautiful thing but only in the many ways it can be used to free the oppressed and further a better purpose.
Today’s lesson for me has to do with a definition I think I need to clearly examine.
Obfuscate. Never heard this word? Sure you have, you just didn’t realize its meaning or the many ways you have been exposed to its influence already. A better definition might be …to make so confused or opaque (I know, another word not often used, just think milky water) as to be difficult to perceive or understand. How about…to render indistinct or dim (darkened)?
Yeah, kind of thought you’d know its meaning. Now think “obscure”! Hidden right? So now that you know what a word means, will you look at a newspaper or t.v. news story with an educated eye? How about the “googled” news story or email you just downloaded? I only ask because I use words myself and I love the many ways I can hide a meaning in what I write.
Just being honest folks….or would you rather I obfuscate what I’m saying?
Long week coming down and there was nothing sweeter this afternoon than leaving work and beginning to unwind, knowing there was nowhere I absolutely had committed to be. As much as I love pursuing a deeper understanding for life, friends and family, I also have a natural tendency to want to be alone sometimes. I don’t think I’m meant to be this way but it serves a purpose for me in the moment. I can gather my thoughts or flat out get rid of some.
My least favorite part of the day is the bumper to bumper game, but even that I can make work for me. Most days I choose to meditate on higher things but this hour I simply stuck in a memory stick loaded with tunes and started to mentally “kick back”. There is something just plain fun in music and today all I wanted to play with was mindless bass tunes. They didn’t even need to have profound meaning. Now if you knew me well, you’d know this isn’t the “norm” for my brain waves.
Home again and it’s just natural to get rid of the shoes and hang-ups for obligations. “The man” had somewhere to be this afternoon so I got to take the office as a personal fiefdom. Without having to be considerate, I was free to hit the bass on my pc for all its worth, loving the way the air pushes against my bare feet while I type.
A friend sent me a text and photo today of a beach shot in Florida where the skies are sharp blue, clouds fluffy, water inviting and white sand everywhere. I love him; he knew just what gift to give me….a picture of what it means to relax no matter where you are!
“It will not bother me in the hour of death to reflect that I have been “had for a sucker” by any number of imposters; but it would be a torment to know that one had refused even one person in need.” C.S. Lewis
A great thought to ponder as we leave our comfortable churches only to shun the hands on the corner asking for help.
Trekking up a shaded path just relaxing and pushing myself on feels pretty good. I sense it’s more than a physical test but rather a need to keep moving forward. Sometimes I just need to have that outward experience of an inside thought. Since I can’t always see the fullness of my thoughts it’s nice to see something manifested in following a trail to its end.
My husband was with me this afternoon and he likes to tease me that I can be rather driven so I tried to have an easier pace. He likes to shoot (camera folks) the local wildlife. Now mind you I don’t mean lions and tigers and bears but today it was some miniscule lizard! Just stopping and waiting patiently for him to get the “right shot” was pleasing to him so I didn’t mind the hold up.
On the way back we came across a scene that bothered us. Several days earlier we had seen some teens on a steep hill using cardboard to surf a slick grassy area. Seemed harmless enough and we didn’t want to bother them so we kept moving. Today we saw all the leftover trash of the cardboard strewn about this hill, no teens in sight.
My first thought was sadness at seeing the trash and wondering if anyone would clean it up. A second thought followed just as quickly….”why don’t you?” I stopped and looked at my husband. I won’t tell you the full conversation, but he loves me enough to have trekked up and down that steep hill to help me pile all the trash near the pathway at the bottom. There was too much and it was too bulky to take with us, but we hope the gesture will draw enough attention to have others help us do what needs to be done. If not we will carry some trash bags with us for a couple of weeks.
There’s a new band on the block and lucky us get to have them practicing right next door. Learning to have even more patience is testing me again. Most of me just wants to knock on the garage and give them a truthful review so they will disband right then and there, never again to pick up a guitar pick. I wonder if it would be doing them a favor to smash the dream before it ever takes a foothold?
Nah, I’m pretty sure that thought is “wrong” but lacking maturity I took it out to play with it for a few minutes anyway.
Rebellion! Acts of defiance! What do these look like today? Once again, all I can offer are insights into my own life which I’m sure vary in wide degrees to all of yours. I have a struggle to be totally open but it’s only in such sacrificial acts of my privacy do I truly offer myself over to the freedom I deeply desire to step into.
Tonight, I’d have to confess my defiance is rather tame for what I am capable of. I tried to fill my aggressive attitude with words that agree with my aggravation. (For the guessers in the crowd, no I didn’t mean cursing!) I could fill this page with tantalizing tidbits of other acts but I had to stop and ask, why? Would I be helping anyone with my details that I can sin with the best of them, or would I be offering tales for “show”!
Shock value has mass appeal to the world and confession has healing value to ourselves. Where do we decide what that line is? I can only offer the questions but it’s you who have to answer for yourselves.
At the crossroads I dropped to my knees
Alone before Him I cried out my pleas
No one to see me except the Lord
Reading aloud I drew my sword
Foul air blew my way
A whisper came,
Fresh wind for our day
Soon, it will be soon…