I paused in my writing. A word kept coming to mind but it wasn’t one I was familiar with. Ruminate? Even though I felt it was a real word I couldn’t remember what it meant. I finished my train of thought for my journal and then folded the book closed. My bible still lay open and again I heard ruminate. It was time to look this up.
Ruminate – think deeply about something, contemplate, consider, meditate on, muse on, mull over, ponder on/over, deliberate about/on, chew on, puzzle over.
Now I understood what I was hearing. With better understanding I began to ruminate on the Lord’s word with more diligence.
Psalm 119:15 I will study your commandments and reflect on your ways.
I can remember when I first felt led to start coming to church. I wanted to sit way in the back, unseen and unbothered, but also close to the doors. In time I began to move closer and closer to the front. Initially I had heard talks about how the anointing was greater in that location and of course I wanted all that was to be had. Now it’s years later and I can feel just fine in the back.
I don’t think anointing has a preferable spot in God’s desire to touch any of us. Matter of fact I wish people in front would recognize that sometimes the people sitting all the way back may need some encouragement by us approaching them. Too often I hear the call to come up front to the altar; but if we are the temple isn’t the altar wherever we go? Maybe it’s us who need to go to the back to meet people where they are, rather than trying to get them to come to us where we are? After all Jesus left heaven to come to earth in order to bring us His encouragement and love.
Today I reflect upon what my true freedom looks like. I live in a country where the laws and culture want to take me hostage. They want to make me a captive of injustice, compromises and deceptions.
Recently a friend sent me a coin inscribed with a harp. She knew what it meant to my heart. Historically speaking, Jewish people were taken captive to Babylon. Without freedom they lost their reason to sing a song. In my friend’s note she reminded me of the importance to pick up my song of praise, my song of hope, my dreams. Not for those who would desire my entertainment, but essentially for the One who would desire my heart, even when surrounded by such immorality.
I will indeed play the harp of my heart. I was born to be a light in darkness. I will sing a new song filled with truth in a world desperate for real hope. I will speak openly the name Jesus and share his gospel with all who desire the melody of heaven. Strum, strum, strum…
I hold a tiny bird in my palm and it needs my help in this moment while it is weak and growing. As it gains strength, I can feel it pushing against my fingers, wanting to be free of my care and nurturing. I feed it and watch it carefully as the days pass, seeing its beautiful soft silky wings sprout fuller and fuller. Each day I feel its fluttering push to be released from my grasp. My love for this tiny bird wants to hold tight, but I know better.
I walk into the sunshine and lift my hands upward. I can feel the fluttering stronger than ever. With an ache of love I unlace my fingers one by one until nothing binds the wings of this tiny bird. It turns to look into my eyes momentarily. In an instant it has flown out of my palm. Watching it for as long as I can, I see it fly into the sunny sky and go in its own direction.