Month: September 2009

Moments for flashback come to me now and again. Today, I just settled upon that 80’s song….”Do You Really Want To Hurt Me”. It seemed fitting for the moment. One of those conversations where I knew they didn’t really mean what was spoken in anger, yet they couldn’t help themselves and I was the standing target to be painted. Ouch!

In times past I might have been laid out, but today I bent like the reed and was not broken. This outburst of angry wind would not harm me, it would blow over.

Proverbs 19:11  A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense

Smith Wigglesworth is one of the most interesting man I have ever read about and has a most inspiring walk of all saints. I tend to understand him easily because he’s not full of empty words. Loving to write myself, at the core of my being, I detest the b.s. (just being real!) of those who speak a flatulence of words without saying anything. It just garnishes the air with a stench of nothing of worth.

As I read this man’s thoughts, he spoke of the victory in battle. Have to tell you I can feel pretty wounded by what I have been through, both past and present, so it was extremely encouraging to take in what he shared about our badges of war. How soldiers who return from various skirmishes are given ribbons or badges to put upon their chest as a visual sign for what they faced; how they were obvious testimonies of survival.

I confess to be a survivor of my own battles but I haven’t yet worn the badge for all the world to see. Up to now I have felt beaten down by the lie of shame for having been in the battle in the first place. I was reminded that it’s in the trial where we are made perfect. How can I expect to help others coming behind me if they can’t see an outward sign that “yes”, I made it through the war”?

Experiencing loneliness is not common in my daily life; at least it hasn’t been for a very long time. Recently however, I have had literal waves of it hit me at the strangest times and it doesn’t always make sense. How can one feel lonely when surrounded by people who love you and you know it? Still it happens and I must confess it’s not my favorite emotion to encounter. I’d almost prefer anger because it’s easier to express, especially with a baseball bat and some convenient bottles lined up on a low level fence if you get my drift.

As I experience these moments I am drawn into a passionate need to seek my Father’s presence, where I find comfort and peace. I understand I can’t soothe my soul apart from Him and this is eye opening for our “self-sufficient” mindsets. I become grateful for this loneliness which pushes me into the desperate place of seeking my one true love. Without trials to show us our need of God we would be forever lost in our own confidence and distractions.

Psalm 84:5-7  (World English)   Blessed is the man whose strength is in you, Who have set their hearts on a pilgrimage. Passing through the valley of Weeping, they make it a place of springs. Yes the autumn rain covers it with blessings. They go from strength to strength. Everyone of them appears before God in Zion.

So here’s the inside scoop! I was with peeps in worship this morning singing and praising to a different song list when my thoughts were completely disrupted by this line bombarding my mind over and over…..”I belong to you and you belong to me”.

I finally relented to find my notepad and write the thing down along with a question, “Lord what is this song?” This is what I learned….

I Belong To You – Lenny Kravitz

You are the flame in my heart
You light my way in the dark
You are the ultimate star

You pick me up from above
Your unconditional love
Takes me to paradise

I belong to you
And you
You belong to me too

You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet

You make me feel so divine
Your soul and mine are entwined
Before you I was blind

But since I’ve opened my eyes
And with you there’s no disguise
So I could open up my mind

I always loved you from the start
But I could not figure out
That I had to do it everyday

So I put away the fright
Now I’m gonna live my life
Giving you the most in every way

I belong to you
And you
You belong to me too

You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet

Oh I belong to you
I belong to you
And you, you
You belong to me too

You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet

Oh I belong to you
I belong to you
And you, you
You belong to me too

You make my life complete
You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet

Oh I belong to you
I belong to you
And you, and you
You belong to me too

You make my life complete
You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet

Like most people in the world, I wasted lots of time in the chase of things I imagined would soothe some deep longing in me. Of course I had no intellect about some of what I chased beyond seeking simple pleasure. It never lasted. The most elaborate material item I could own always lost its luster in a shorter time then I would have imagined. Even people whom brought me great joy and comfort could only offer me a limited amount of satisfaction. I want more!

What does it mean to want something more? To want something so deep it seems beyond comprehension or description? I can only imagine what it was like for the disciples to meet Jesus and just “know” He was what they had always been looking for. When He said, “follow me” and they dropped everything and left everyone without hesitation to chase the deeper thing which cries out in all of us.

To our natural eyes this seemed crazy, walking away from every treasure given us upon this earth to walk with the Son of God and a promise yet to be delivered? Over two thousand years later Jesus is still calling to individual hearts to “follow me” and the decision is still the same. Do we do this without hesitation or will we allow the chasing of earthly things hold us back from laying up our treasures in heaven?

Mt 6:19-20 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.

Sports fans or rock concert fans, do you jump out of your seat and raise your hands in the air to celebrate a scoring of your team or a favorite song? I love a good celebration of joy that causes my whole body to enter into the moment with enthusiasm.

Not long ago I was up in the mountains to enjoy a most beautiful day. My husband and I were returning from a getaway at a favorite locale. The drive was breathtaking and at an overlook I asked to pull over. Getting out of the car I stood on the edge of the mountain to look deep into valleys. I was in awe of the heights where I stood. You could see for miles to other mountains. Looking up were blue skies with smatterings of fluffy white clouds.

In the background I could hear our car stereo playing a worship song, carried in the breeze. This beauty humbled me. I was so small in comparison to this mountaintop and the majestic vantage. My only response was to give in to what I was feeling in heart and spirit. I entered into a moment of celebration with all of my body. Lifting my hands to the sky I declared the greatness of my King. He deserves all of me, no matter where I am celebrating.

Security for each of us differs in many ways. For some it’s money, our looks, a job, a home, food, car, friend or whatever you can imagine. In many lives the ultimate security is to have a relationship. Understanding this thinking didn’t really sink deep into me until I had been in a relationship that mattered for a few years.

In years past, my own life was one of casual surrender to a desire, but I refused to acknowledge the fullness of my need. My marriage has been a teaching ground for what it means to trust and walk in the unknown of what surrendering all of myself looks like. To give anyone your complete trust is to hold back nothing of yourself or your own desires. You are trusting the relationship enough to understand a love so powerful, you have no hesitation to walk head on into whatever it may bring. You no longer control a thing….you are living in faith for what this relationship will offer.

We must choose wisely who we will be in relationship with.

Summer days are waning although the heat scale doesn’t relent to give up its place in the season. I have been looking at my calendar and noticed the months seem to be accelerating. I don’t mind this much, my time is often spent in wonderful ways and I have no regrets about what I am spending it on.

I was reminded of a classic story by H.G. Wells called “The Time Machine” where a time traveler explores the unknown realms of the future. Although this story did not have the utopian results one might hope for, it did set my own young imagination anew for other possibilities.

Years later my imagination is still dreaming of possibilities, but now my sights are much higher than the special effects which had been dreamed up by man’s limited imagination.

1 Col 2:9  However, as it is written: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him”

I was laying here thinking about my family and friends this morning. How the circle of those who wear that label has grown. I can’t help but think about love’s attributes. When we have no one to care for, we can become self-absorbed in our own desires which can distort us to some degree. Our problems seem so important. I don’t make enough money, if I had a better job, if I had a better car, if I had…fill in the blanks…my life would be easier and better.

When we really think about it, all of these are traps to fool us into forgetting the beauty of what we have in our hands in this very hour. We do have money to buy food to eat. We do have a home to shelter away from the cold and the heat. We have mobility to get around. Our life is easier and better than literally 90% of the world’s population. When we allow ourselves to take our focus off the eye candy of the culture we live in, our vision comes into a place of reality. By tuning out the media for even a brief moment we can realize all that we have, rather than drawing our attention to all that we want.

Back to love though. Love is used to bring us into alignment with what truly matters. We forget ourselves when we begin to share our love with others. By giving our love away we can be filled with a joy forgotten. In love there is power to be truly free. What a beautiful gift that is!