DebraBee

The egg lay in the grass, freshly opened, its yolk spilling out. It was rather large and looked like something I’d buy in the store, but here it was up on this hillside, near a little traveled walking path. I wondered at the creature it had meant to be. The promise of a life left to die here in the open sun. This bird would never grow wings or fly the open skies over my head.

The way of nature taught me a deeper lesson. The gift of life promised in every egg. So many children we have yet to meet. So many gifts and promises their lives bring into the world. We deny ourselves when we deny them.

Stirred – to affect strongly; excite, to incite, instigate, or prompt, to rouse from inactivity, quiet, contentment, indifference, to be emotionally moved or strongly affected, to become active, as from some rousing or quickening impulse

Mark sat still and watched from the outer perimeter of where all the action seemed to be happening. The park was brisk with activity late into the night. All around him were youth hungry for something to do. A make shift band were trying to grab the attention of their energy but an underlying vibe seemed to be at work in the crowd.

He watched a young thug type upend his 40 ounce beer and then theatrically crash it down on the cement, exploding it in a spray none seemed to mind. The crowd seemed stirred, desiring more. Mark took notice of the rougher element wanting to make rule of the scene with their antics.

This seemed like a make or break moment. Realizing he could get the crap kicked out of him, he knew these kids didn’t deserve to be given away by his cowardice. One quick prayer he offered, “God, you brought me here tonight so you better have something wonderful to offer!”

Without further hesitation he pulled a flare from his backpack. It seemed crazy but so was this moment. Removing the cap to expose the end of the flare he rubbed the coarse striking surface until it exploded into a bright flame. Everyone standing near him backed away but then started whistling and whooping with cheers of approval.

Mark lit three of these and tossed them about at a fair distance. The crowd focused on him. The band had lost their momentum but came back into the moment with a sound of rhythm. Mark could feel his throat dry up but all eyes were upon him and this radical act. “God what do I say?” he asked.

With courage he’d never known, he stood alone in the crowd. “I am one of you. I am lonely. I have hurt. I have fear. I want more than this existence I am living. I go to parties hoping for some expectation but it leaves me empty beyond a momentary experience. I have drunk and taken drugs looking for that experience and every time I wake up the morning after as though I poured out my soul. I have sought my existence and happiness in others, especially girls. It feels good for a while but then I realize they are looking for something more, just like me. Can I ask you to be honest? Does any one of you feel these things? Is this why you are here?”

An explosive encouragement came from the crowd. The make shift band added to the mix by stirring them up further with their rhythm, declaring the truth of Mark’s statement. With more courage again, Mark spoke once more, “Okay friends, you’ve been honest with your hearts, so let me ask you a bigger question….do you believe Jesus can change your life?”…..

I meet them one at a time, beautiful strangers. I look into their eyes and I wonder, is this one my friend, my sister, my brother? I can miss it now and again, but they will grab me and hold me tight. Hugging me; whispering private words of encouragement into my ear.

Where do they come from? Who are they? I ache for the truth of eternity to come. I look forward to living where time is irrelevant. I desire really coming to know each of these precious ones.

The man’s cat can smell weakness and I am prey for his wanting to be petted. He has followed me everywhere in the house the last couple days. He knows eventually I will lay still to rest. This is when he makes his move to come hug up near my body and head butt my hand until he is satisfactorily scratched.

I can only wonder at how aggressive he might be if he were, say hungry?

My sunglasses hid my eyes and I couldn’t wait to walk away from my friend. Saying goodbye, I made my way back to the table where my books lay. The rush of my emotions hit me and I walked to the edge of the hill over looking my city.

I had spoken aloud so many promises, declaring them over and over. It was time to see them come to fruition. Tears came as I let my Father know how weak I felt in this moment. I myself had nothing to give but He has everything. I wanted to see heaven upon the earth.

For now I wrap myself up to be hidden in His bosom and remember how he cradles me in His arms. I need His strength for this day.

Deu 33:12……”Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders.”

A conversation with a friend left me in a place of rechecking my commitments. He shared how at the beginning of this trying season, he could number those who confessed to be in the journey with him at about a hundred. Today he put that number at two; myself to be one of the two.

My heart felt a convicting jolt at that information. In my confession, I knew I had wanted to falter when the burden seemed heavy and wearisome. My own pressures and troubles have tested me to want to back away and say, “dude, I get it but I have my own problems”.

Slamming up against that struggle creates in me tension to do something against my soul’s desire. My soul keeps saying, “hold onto what you have and take care of yourself” but my spirit says, “give yourself away to help another”. The words of my teacher ring in my ears…”Are you all in? Do you want to be among those counted?”

I can’t hedge on my bet so I have to say, “I’m all in, regardless!” It’s time to be counted as living for Christ.

Act 4:32  The whole congregation of believers was united as one–one heart, one mind! They didn’t even claim ownership of their own possessions. No one said, “That’s mine; you can’t have it.” They shared everything.

Looking out the window I can see the first clouds come in to indicate the season is changing again. A chill is in the air so I close my window and watch the tree limbs move to and fro in the cold air. The words I’d been reading move through my thoughts. It was about parables. How teaching can be shared through allegory stories or even word pictures.

Jesus taught this way virtually everywhere he went. His disciples finally asked him about the reasons he did this and his answer isn’t one I set aside easily. He told them, “You’ve been given insight into God’s kingdom-you know how it works. But to those who can’t see it yet, everything comes in stories, creating readiness, nudging them toward receptive insight.” A Beatles tune drifts in and out of my head, “listen, do you want to know a secret”, and I think to myself I really do.

I wonder at all the stories I’ve ever read in my life, especially when I wasn’t a woman walking in faith. The great stories that filled me with hope, movies that brought me joy. The one’s with a positive message were the one’s I’d come to own so I could enjoy that sensation over and over.

I realize a secret. In each of these positive stories was a message of hope, nudging me toward receptive insight. With each hopeful meaning I sought for the truth of that hope, and I found it.

I lay on my couch and the world around me was quiet for a change. Peace had found me in a restful state and my mind was silent. I could hear the sounds of worship music softly playing. Closing my eyes I knew I had found rest for my soul.

I began to hear a song but it wasn’t playing on any stereo, it was coming out of my own catalog of memories. Only two lines played over and over, “I want you to want me, I’d love you to love me”. Opening my eyes I smiled knowingly. Although this was my heart song to my Father, today it was my Father singing it back to me.

My heart felt overfilled and I asked the question of Him, “how can I want or love you more?” His answer was simple…..

(Message) John 14:15 If you love me, show it by doing what I’ve told you

In my hunt for a new journal, a woman began talking to me, sharing her love for good pens. Further discussion led her to share her name and her interests with me. She was an artist and invited me to come see the art studio sometime.

The more we talked the more I could hear of her heart. Her passion was art but underneath she had doubts for how good she really was. I was surprised to hear her wisely express that although she didn’t feel she was the best, her need to keep using her talent seemed important to her. Her words faltered as she tried to explain why this was a key in her life.

I asked if she had ever heard the parable of the talents from the bible. She hadn’t but wanted to know about it. I shared the parable in plain speak and just before I could finish someone interrupted us. She waited for the distraction to pass and anxiously asked me, “So what happened?” at which point I finished.

Sensing she wanted something more, I asked her for her hands. She looked at me curiously but handed them to me. Holding them in mine I shared with her the hope for her future while looking her in the eyes. Asking her a specific question about her art, I was honest to let her know the Lord was showing it to me. She took a step back and her eyes looked surprised. Her answer was yes to my question, so I continued to share what I was to speak to her.

When I was done she had a huge grin on her face. “That’s some good magic!” she said a couple times. I laughed knowing it wasn’t me that needed to explain the power of Jesus. He’d do that Himself for her.