Author: debrabee

Her call was touching to my heart and while we prayed I heard her voice break with tears. She said it’d been a while since she’d had that kind of relief. In our discussion I recognized fear and condemnation had taken its toll to the point she wanted to quit; admitting thoughts of going back to the world she came out of. I understood her well from my own past battles. Using all the truth in my heart, I reached out to grab her hand in the spirit, helping her back up onto her feet.

A scene from a book I’d read long ago came to mind. It was children playing war games to train for future battles. The children often took many hits from their enemy’s weapons, leaving them frozen and immobilized until their teammates could come help them be restored, free to walk again. It was a good visual lesson for this life in Christ. We need our teammates.

Definition of immobilized: immovable; fix in place; to prevent the use, activity, or movement, restrict; to render ineffective, stymie

I watched him standing upon the upper rungs of the ladder and my stomach flipped thinking about his precarious position. The floor was concrete. Looking at him I could only pray for his balance and safety while he continued to pursue his goal. We should do this for everyone we see in high positions.

I stopped to look at features on my phone. Playing with the stopwatch and timer I watched the numbers scroll swiftly by. While my eyes were on these numbers I remembered what they represented; seconds, minutes and hours of our days. Sobering thought but I was more curious to try something more. While watching the timer I tried to speak aloud, “now” for any number I wanted to hit on. I missed it lots.

It was a good lesson. I reflected upon different moments in my life; the times I wanted things to happen for me or for others. God has his own stopwatch and timer. I may think I am ready but He may not. I may even presume to think someone else is ready when they aren’t.

Hab 2:3 At the time I have decided, My words will come true. You can trust what I say about the future. It may take a long time, but keep on waiting—it will happen  

In our lives we have to make decisions on a daily basis. We have conversations and prayers with each other for family, friends and even for those who desperately want to believe more. Each decision and conversation can bring us to wonder if we’ve done or said the right thing. I can’t say this any better than the Word Himself.

In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul.  

Among all my troubled thoughts, your comforts are the delight of my soul

When I was upset and beside myself, You calmed me down and cheered me up

And when I was burdened with worries, you comforted me and made me feel secure

When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul

Whenever I am anxious and worried, you comfort me and make me glad

In the multitude of my inward thoughts, Your comforts delight my soul

*Psalm 94:19

I held the pen over blank pages of my journal. A song plays in my mind, “Help yourself, don’t think. Help yourself, don’t speak. Help yourself, don’t say a thing at all.” I lay the pen down turning back the journal page to something I’d written down for remembrance the day before.

“Bring Me all that puzzles you. Many questions need no answer, for when the heart is at one with the Father, then comes an illumination of Spirit that transcends thought. Understanding becomes a state of heart rather than an achievement of the mind.”   

My soul finds contentment to be quiet. Today it’s not about my words at all, others have written it better. I reach over to turn up a worship song closing my eyes to be still. “It feels like there’s something that’s just beyond reach, and there is a wall that I’ve yet to breach. There is a truth that I finally see, I have no idea what I’m doing. And You are still there, and You meet me there, just beyond the breaking. There is a road less traveled upon, it buries a lover than there is a song, let’s all agree we should all get along, we have no idea what we’re doing. And You are still there, and You meet me there, just beyond the breaking.”

 

*Come Away My Beloved by Frances J. Roberts, Just Beyond the Breaking by Jake Hamilton, All You Do Is Talk by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

The music fades in and out while I still my soul, searching to hear the only voice that matters. Around me others are speaking out prayers and I try to listen to what is being said. Looking out the doors I can see through the glass, the feet of people outside going about life. At times their voices grow louder to me than those on the inside of the room.

I begin to drift between the two worlds; the voices praying for people to come inside, and the voices just outside the glass never knowing they were being invited. A lonely sensation engulfs my chest. If I am inside the room and feel this way, what must the hurting souls just outside the glass be feeling?

Lord, let us be those who break the glass and touch the real and hurting world…

She sat staring out the window waiting; praying for rain while the sun was high in the sky. Looking upwards into the blue she couldn’t see clouds yet but believed them to be coming. Laying her head down upon the cushion of her couch she closed her eyes while questions assailed her mind. Each of them only offered doubt. Pushing them aside she prayed more, understanding. The rain would come and with it the change. Opening her eyes she saw into the blue and smiled.

How often was Jesus challenged in His identity? Why would I think my life would not face the same scrutiny? He even asked His disciples, “Who do people say I am?”* It’s no wonder we ask our closest friends, “what do you see in me?” These are the moments where we check our compass. Are we reflecting the love of Christ or just reflecting frustrations? It’s interesting that a compass always points upward to the north, reminding us there is a higher point to aspire to.

Jesus never asked questions because He didn’t know the answer; He asked in order to stir up our ability to look deeper into everything, including how we would see ourselves.

*Mark 8:27b

I held the bottles of oil in each hand remembering what was said to me. One represented wisdom and the other represented encounters. Closing my eyes I wondered how to receive such great gifts. It was time to open up my heart and search out the deeper things placed there for my use.

The antithesis of wisdom would always be pride. Searching my heart’s chambers I sought the weapon which would help me and immediately found the hammer of humility. It would always help me pound my pride into submission.

The antithesis of encounters would be prejudice. If I expected encounters than I had to let go of any expectation for what package they came in. Searching my heart once more I found a second hammer labeled humility. Sighing, I understood this to make sense.

It was time to start swinging each of these great hammers; opening my mouth I began to pray… therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience…do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. I opened each bottle letting the oil soak into my skin. Once strengthened it was time to walk it out day by day. In my mind I could hear an old song playing, “cause grace finds goodness in everything, cause grace finds beauty in everything“.

*Col 3:12, Phil 2:3, lyrics from Grace by U2

 

I keep seeing doves come flapping down into my yard. Everything about them comforts me. Remembering “the heavens were opened and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and settling upon Him”, I can only wonder about those who were present to see it actually happening? Meanwhile I look at these doves choosing to land in my yard with appreciation; grateful for the Spirit gifted to me, helping to settle my soul.

*from Matthew 3:16