Month: July 2009

Okay so my absolute confession is my enjoyment of “gangsta” flicks, or at least it used to be. More truth would be to tell you I haven’t seen one of these in a very long time! My taste for them lies in reality, at least the ones made from a viewpoint of reality. I’m not talking about the flicks that just want to look cool by pointing their guns sideways, but the real deal, where pain and joy can be seen within the depths of absolute truth of real situations we as a society face.

I get quite irritated by “made-up” mindsets that want to dismiss a movie genre outright because it carries a rating beyond the PG fantasy. It’s not that I want to judge good motives for avoiding mindless violence or outright trash, it’s merely the irritation I feel for those who want to ignore absolutely what is happening in our world; or worse, just judge it without understanding why it’s being reflected to begin with.

The woman was walking so slow it was impossible not to notice. I myself was in a hurry so I walked quickly past her without looking at her directly. Even without seeing her face I felt my thoughts be stirred for her. She didn’t seem all that old and yet her walk was very feeble? I didn’t want to focus upon the frailty of a failing body, not today, but still it stirs me.

We are surrounded by so much human frailty that sometimes it’s just a natural response not to want to think about it, especially when we feel helpless to do anything about it. But is this thinking too wide in its scope? Are we only thinking we don’t want to be bothered because we are feeling like there are too many frail people who need our help? So many of them, only one of me?

I have to adjust my “big” thoughts to fit better into a “smaller” moment. That woman probably could have used my help to push her cart to her car and I missed it in my hurriedness.

It was still morning, but mentally I was feeling tired so I decided I’d leave for lunch and find someplace quiet. I usually sit in my car but today I figured I’d sit at a table and look out the window while I ate. I had a book with me I was trying to read but I kept drifting in my focus so I put it back in my bag.

I don’t know how long the song had been playing but a verse the singer was moaning began to permeate my mind. He literally sang over and over “don’t let me go”. I’d never heard it before and I can’t even say much about the tune. All I could hear were the words “don’t let me go”.

I sat there for a while and contemplated the meaning of those words. It’s the cry all the world over but are we listening? So many people just want to be loved, just want to feel safe. I wonder sometimes how listening to our songs must break our heavenly Father’s heart. We want so badly to be loved and He is right there just waiting for us to notice Him; to change our sad songs to ones of joy.

More than a few of my friends talk of something on many minds; romance! Quietly I listen and silently I pray for this romance to touch all. Of course I never feel the need to leave myself out of this blessing either. The greatest emotion to move our lives is love. My observation however, is the many ways others may view love. I don’t always understand the dismissal of romantic love if it doesn’t come “pre-packaged” by some kind of Hallmark ideal.

I have experienced love in the least expected ways, and because of these moments, I have enjoyed great romantic memories. Just to share but a few examples….the times my husband gives me space for private conversation when I am hurting, by being near but never eavesdropping….how he holds my hand without my needing to tell him I long to feel his touch….when he strums his guitar without my asking, to ease my agitated mood….the many times he lets me cry, knowing his words cannot change the reasons I need to let go of my tears…..

Romance is real, but it isn’t written the same for all.

A friend was talking of her daughter’s upcoming wedding, and listening to her talk about some of the preparations and decisions to be made reminded me of a question I had made a note about a couple weeks before. While attending a conference, I listened to how we should responsibly prepare ourselves to be ready for Jesus’ coming for His bride, the church.

I am not great with notes but I wrote myself a question. “What do my wedding preparations look like?” No matter how simple this question looks at first glance my mind begins to spin with the implications.

From Rev 19:9 ….”Blessed are those who are called to the marriage supper of the Lamb”….

On the property where our friends live, there are large pastures dotted with huge oak trees everywhere you can look and a few ponds. I asked my husband to take a short walk with me on the property and we noticed in the direction of the river, a dust cloud was being kicked up by the cows.

We had the camera with us so I asked my husband to capture some pictures for me. No sooner had he gotten it out then the cows started heading in our direction. At first they were kind of meandering but then they gathered momentum and started making a whole lot of noise about our being present. Apparently we were standing on one of their familiar trails and under a favorite tree.

If you have never seen dozens of cattle coming towards you at a pretty decent run then perhaps you’ve never quite had a quick jolt of adrenaline stream into your arteries? They were making their way around us but they ran close enough to keep us still.

This encounter reminded me of a “Lewis and Clark” journal entry they had made as they explored the new territory which would become the United States. I don’t remember the exact quote but at some point in their journey they spoke of overlooking great plains filled with buffalo, caribou and other wildlife as far as the eye could see. What a wonder their eyes must have beheld?

My friend asked me if I wanted to drive into town with her. I can’t say that I did but I loved spending time with her so I didn’t hesitate to say “yes”. Being alone with her is a rare treat since her life is quite filled with the blessings of family, friends and work. I never take for granted time alone to listen to her speak of the things on her mind and in her heart.

I love moments where new things are brought to my attention. This weekend, I was shown how special I am to her. She gives me full access to her family and the love she shares with all of them. In watching her and her husband love on each other and their family members, they were sure to include me and my own husband in every precious moment to be had.

I held their baby grandchild in my arms while she wrapped her tiny fingers around my own finger. I had wonderful conversations listening to their now grown daughters speak of their own thoughts of love and life. I was hugged tightly by another of their grandchildren who loved on me as he did his own family.

All of these memories I have counted up as treasures for my life and time being well spent. These are but one of the many ways I want to “waste” my precious time here upon this earth.

We were out on the riverfront for a hot summer night taking a walk across the famous Sundial bridge. I had been to see it a few times but had never had the opportunity to see it lit up for the night. It truly was a fascinating architectural achievement. Standing on the sides of the bridge I loved looking down at the rushing water below. With the bright moon above, the water was well lit and you could see all the eddies of currents making little crests of white water. When you were on the sides of the bridge you could also feel it sway on it’s cables. This sensation was an odd feeling for my stomach.

There were many great moments to write about but my favorite was the family friendly environment. It was after 9p.m. and yet there were so many people who were out to walk this bridge and the number of young children was surprising. On a Friday night my expectation was quite different. I had been used to such places to be taken over by the party crowd who’d had too much to drink and liked to make noise about it.

We sat on a bench for a while enjoying the live music at the cafe and just watched for a bit as family after family strolled about. I liked what I was seeing very much and kind of wished we had this type of place for fun where I was from. This place felt special and I knew there was more at work then met the eye.

There was a great sunset not too long ago where the sky looked to be burning embers and the cloud patterns reminded me of a boiling atmosphere. Getting a photo of this was wonderful and I put it into my saved items for contemplation.

The last couple of days made me think of that photo again so I looked it up. It just seems like a photo taken within me. I feel a hot fire of love for my heavenly Father and yet I am churning inside with emotions. Being made in the image of God I am in awe of the human condition. We are capable of so much love but we are also capable of so much pain.

He watches me always

His eyes never leave me

Whether I am in joy

Or whether I am in sorrow

He is with me

To comfort me always

Bowing my head low

I know I draw His gaze

I will be still

The storm will rush over me

He covers me with His hands

I remain quiet in the rush