Utterly Hopeless

“The one and only deliverance is when you see yourself as being utterly hopeless.”   Watchman Nee


A few years back I used to listen to a funky tune which sang about “fake” persons. The lyrics really hit a nerve center in my brain. It went like…

You’re a fake, baby, you can’t conceal it
Know how I know, cause I can feel it
You’re a fake, baby, no rhyme or reason
Cause in your mind, it’s lying season

I suppose deep within I’ve always been irritated with falsehoods, especially in myself. My insecurities can sometimes feel like they are trying to devour me whole. In times past it was easy to hide in protective behaviors, making myself into the chameleon just to pass for normal, whatever that meant?

Nowadays I can still feel those insecurities try to take a hold of me, but it just doesn’t seem worth living a lie of any kind. I have to choose to be myself and take a chance I may not fit in with everyone. It’s not always easy but at least it’s honest, no more brilliant disguise.

Are You Hearing His Song?

“Love can touch us one time, and last for a lifetime”….from a song famously sung by Celine Dion soundtrack from the movie Titantic.

I have to admit I have never “heard” this song until today. Sure, it’s played over and over on hundreds of media channels, but my ears were closed to its message until now. It humbles me to confess such obtuse sensibilities.

I finally understand why such a song could be so utterly popular! It is the heart of God to let all of us know how much He loves us. He is not distant. He is teaching us the importance of His presence despite our inability to see or touch Him in a physical sense. Never has He left us or forsaken us. He is written upon our very hearts.

“near, far, wherever you are, I believe that the heart does go on…”

Are you hearing His song?

Pursuit Of More

We can imagine monarchs to have many responsibilities, both now and in times past. I don’t think I would find it enriching to my lifestyle to have all the people of my land come to me for guidance and direction. I can barely find my way to my car some mornings; imagine even a few people on my tail, trying to follow my lead? Sad thought!

King Solomon was given more than he asked for. God was pleased with him and told him he could have what he asked. Just think “genie in a bottle” moment here. I have wondered about my own heart many times to ponder what it is I might, and do, ask for in my own life. Solomon didn’t mention riches or long life but he asked for the ability to lead God’s chosen people who were numerous. God gave him wisdom beyond anything seen before or since, but because he did not ask for the obvious things, God also blessed him with riches and an honored long life. Incredible generosity.

In a far land was another monarch known as the “Queen of Sheba”. Despite all her own splendor and glory, she chose to pursue the wisdom given by God through the man named Solomon. This pursuit of “more” fires up my own heart. What would I give up in the now to pursue more in an unknown place? I’m not talking of material things. This makes it even more fascinating. Most of the world chases after those things we can actually touch and see. There is a better quest for all of us.

1 Kings 3:9-13 “So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?” The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this. So God said to him, “Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be. Moreover, I will give you what you have not asked for—both riches and honor—so that in your lifetime you will have no equal among kings.”

A Peaceful Que Sera, Sera

My auto pilot engaged early this afternoon because I cannot remember anything about my drive home. Thinking back it just seems like some distant thought that flitted in and out of my mind. I had some things to unload from the car and one of the bags tore, leaving glass shards about the driveway; the liquid drying quickly from the heated cement. I couldn’t be bothered to get upset. Que Sera, Sera…..whatever will be, will be.

How many times had I let something so trivial mess with my days in the past? The smallest thing going wrong could set me on edge and I’d stew about it for hours, sometimes days. Today I simply changed my clothes and went back to pick up the mess. No words under my breath, no thoughts of irritation….simply a surrendering to a peaceful attitude.

Lyrics sung by Doris Day

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here’s what she said to me.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here’s what my sweetheart said.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

As Real As The Sun Or The Moon

I am a woman who is deeply in love with one I have never laid my eyes upon. He is merely written upon my heart. I know Him to be as real as the sun or the moon, distant to my physical touch, but very real in existence.

1 John 4:12-13 “No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in Him, and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit.”

Doesn’t it ever blow your mind that the “romance” we all seek is to be one with His people? By touching one another’s lives, how intimate could we make our own lives? To know and be known?

Dying Flowers

Dying FlowersI like to keep fresh flowers on my table, it just brightens up the atmosphere I think. The variety of colors, textures, smells and romance of having them just fascinates me. Wild flowers are wonderful but I don’t bring these home. Seeing them in their fields of splendor is plenty intoxicating to my senses.

Sadly time always takes its toll on these beautiful floral. Eventually the water becomes cloudy and one by one they drop their petals for good. I have to empty my vase and throw what is dead into the trash. The price of a fallen world comes to mind again.

I long for the day when flowers will remain forever fresh, vibrant and alive. I long for the new heaven and new earth. I long to see flowers with new colors never imagined. My longing I cannot express well enough with mere words.

Neighborhoods At Night

Foxboro Road

There is something interesting when you wander neighborhoods at night. Most of the world is resting to some degree. This is when I can again be alone in public. I am drawn to the contrast of darkness being lit up by the street lights lining a thoroughfare. The occasional car which passes leaves a trail of taillights to disappear in the distance.

Who was that person? Does their life matter to themselves or others? Where are they going in eternity? Do they ever think about that?

It’s Time For Dreams To Live Again

The conversations around me are very interesting but I also enjoy listening to those who will avail themselves for one on one chats. Most of these can be engaging but occasionally it’s all I can do not be obvious I’ve long ago checked out of the discussion. My discipline to stay fully alert has not yet been refined but I am a work in progress.

I have been intrigued lately with listening to the longings of the heart. I sometimes fall face first into those painful talks, where it seems as though the only dream my chatterbox has is to live someone else’s life. It usually manifests in the predictable ways, “wouldn’t it be cool to have what they have….did you see them on such and such….did you hear about so and so dating……”, you get the picture.

Now and again I can’t help myself to want to plant seedlings of thoughts. I try not to do it out of any kind of malice, just a real desire to have them explore their own dreams of who they want to be. There is an incredible reward to be had when you see someone’s eyes light up at remembering some long ago dream they were passionate about.

We are a people who need to be reminded of the longings we carry deep in our hearts. The longings buried so deep we have forgotten them altogether. There is a reason we become stirred by music, poems, books, movies, art and the like. They remind us of the deeper things within us. They remind us of who we were supposed to be before the world taught us we had to abandon our dreams and settle for getting by.

It’s time for the dreams to live again.

I’m In You, You’re In Me

Jesus prayed these words….

John 17:21 “that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent me”

John 17:26 “And I have declared to them Your name, and will declare it, that the love with which You loved Me may be in them, and I in them.”

I was reminded of a song from many years back and started humming it in my head. The words were such an echo of the verses from above.

I’m in you
You’re in me
I’m in you
You’re in me
‘Cause you gave me the love
Love that I never had
Yes, you gave me the love
Love that I never had

I don’t care where I go
When I’m with you

(Lyrics from Peter Frampton’s I’m In You)