DebraBee

She touched me and electricity began to flow through my whole body. I stood still not saying a word. I had no explanation and knew none would be offered. My mind began to empty of “self”. I could feel the heat again and so I waited. Eventually words flowed into me, filling me again. My earthen vessel carried a treasure I could not store for myself alone to enjoy. I had to give it away to keep it.

An apple lay beside the orange in the tray upon the table. The apple was red and delicious awaiting its moment to delight. As the apple waited, he could feel the skin of the bright and luscious orange beside him. He admired both the new color and texture so different from his own.

For a moment the apple desired to be something different, something other than what he was. The orange spoke a secret to him in that moment, “I love who you are, don’t ever change.” The apple looked at himself once again, realizing the beauty of red.

“What did you see?”

A question we ask of those who’ve been to other places and we want to know their experiences. This is our opportunity to live vicariously through their eyes. I do this often with friends myself, especially when I am working and really wanting to be somewhere else.

It’s an interesting question though when we apply it to the deeper things in life. For those who hunger for more than a passing existence, we are curious to know about the possibilities for more.

Can I be strong enough to look into the dark? Black roses, black lyrics, dark hearts…all of these I have both lived and written myself. None of these shock me. I can recognize them easily.

But what if the darkness disguises itself in light? White roses, white lyrics, light hearts? What if the truth of hope is dressed up just enough to look like the real thing? It guides us to believe we can eat of those sweet delicacies of sin. How would we distinguish the lie from a truth?

2 Cor 11:14 (CEV) And it is no wonder. Even Satan tries to make himself look like an angel of light.

Father, will You come hold Your daughter again
Let me lean upon Your chest to feel Your comfort
Father, will You gather all my tears
Save them in Your hands for Your purpose

And as I walk with You
And as I talk with You
I want to know the secrets of Your heart

Father, will You teach me to walk in Your ways
Holding my hand so I won’t fall again
Father, will You be the strength I need
Showing me my weakness, humbling me

And as I walk with You
And as I talk with You
I want to know the depths of Your love

I touch the keys to play a private song while I look out the window at the fog hiding the details of the world. My tea grows cold on the counter as I continue growing restless. My comfort is being shifted but I have no definitive proof for why. I have forgone any music charts and instead put my bible in front of me. I keep looking at the words before me, encouraged to meditate for answers. The questions themselves seem too many.

What if we came face to face with the reality that in this life we may not be able to even the scores? Someone did us wrong and maybe we even loved that person. Would the wound scar us so badly we’d live the rest of our life nurturing the pain until it became a cancer? Letting the pain eat away at what was once healthy love, leaving only bitterness and anger. When we reached the end of our days, what regrets would we have at how precious time was wasted?

Sometimes giving someone a “pass” is not saying they didn’t do you wrong; it’s giving yourself a “pass” so you can keep your love alive. It’s choosing to leave the scoring card in higher hands.

Come back to Me….

I walked away ignoring the plea. My anger festering within drew me out into the night. The air was cold and I walked alone. The streets were bright with neon signs trying to pull me into places I could spend time and money, where I could spend myself. Eventually I opened a door and walked into the dark interior. Now and again I could still hear the plea, “come back to Me” in quiet moments. Anger held its grip upon my heart and I would ignore its voice.

Decades later I lay beside Your voice and wondered at Your message offering to take me back. When I looked into Your eyes I could see an acceptance I’d never known. My anger began to give way to hope. The invitation came again, “come back to Me”. I looked at my dim surroundings and made a choice to open the door leading into real light. You were faithful to Your invitation and took me back.

In the poetic confessions of my heart; I become filled with love and hope. Although I begin to type other words, a song begins to play in my mind. I ignore it at first, but eventually it consumes my thoughts. I don’t know the song well, but a chorus keeps playing over and over, “just an old fashioned love song”. I have to find it and when I do, I begin to laugh….

Just an old fashioned love song

Playin’ on the radio

And wrapped around the music

Is the sound of someone

Promising they’ll never go

Just an old fashioned love song

Comin’ down in three part harmony

One I’m sure they wrote for you and me  *

I am enamored of the “old fashioned love song” written for me long ago.

* Lyrics by Three Dog Night, Old Fashioned Love Song