Month: November 2009

In relationships there is a truth to realize. We make mistakes. I can spend some time beating myself up for things I cannot change or eventually I have to change my tactic to understand why. It’s only in understanding the why of my mistake that I can take away any hope from the situation.

We are here to grow and learn and this process never ends, at least for those who have a healthy outlook for their lives. I have to say I never want to quit learning but the lessons aren’t always pleasant.

James 3:13 (WNT) Which of you is a wise and well-instructed man? Let him prove it by a right life with conduct guided by a wisely teachable spirit.

An old upright piano stood in the corner of the small duplex. As a favor of request, their friend sat at the keys and began to play one of the most beautiful classical pieces I have found to love. Moonlight Sonata by Ludwig van Beethoven. I closed my eyes and let the notes engulf me with their depth. This was beauty that transcended the need for words or conversation. How I wished all communication could be this pure and simple.

I stood on the corner of a road called “Noble” and looked at the clouds parting enough for a brilliant display of light and power. I could smell the scent of pine and wood burning fires from nearby homes. It was good to feel the crisp chill on my face and contemplate the greatness of my Father. He had been pouring out love and good dreams all around me. I lifted my hands in awe of His wonder. This day was only just beginning and I wondered what more He had in store for me who loves Him so much?

I sat in the car with only the light of the stereo to permeate any darkness. Sometimes the quietness put upon my heart is a gift I enjoy causing me to listen more carefully then I normally am able. I could hear music in the background but there was a louder song I needed to tune into. It was the hum of my heavenly Father’s heart.

Tears fell down my cheeks and I was unashamed by them. I simply let them fall as I heard the most beautiful music to be heard here upon this earth….the sound of another heart expressing their love for our Lord. In the moment I was left without words and afterwards I can only wonder at the rich experience. Looking out the window I searched the sky for the stars. They felt so much nearer this night.

Some days challenge my ability to not snap under the weight of the pressure. I could actually feel my shoulders tensing up with each passing hour as the weights just kept being added. With every phone call, email and person coming to ask something I began to wonder how much more could I take? These are the times I need to really “breathe”. One breath at a time, living one minute at a time without worry for the future, just believe.

As my day ends I wonder what it is I accomplished and so I take inventory. I realize I have not snapped so I gained stamina. I was able to answer all questions put to me with patience and calm, this means growth in my maturity. Wow, do I have a ways to go but I count today as a step continuing in the right direction.

My office has a wall of photographs I enjoy. It’s not very organized and reflects our constantly changing life. I actually don’t keep too many framed pictures around my house anymore. Something about their static nature didn’t agree with the dynamic life we lead. I can’t even remember the last time I put photos in a book.

Gazing at some of these pictures makes me realize the importance of each relationship I have with those in my photographs. I have to take care not to treat them with a static mindset. People change and we have to flow with these changes. It’s important we don’t box them into our memories of yesterday.

There are hours when upheaval shakes the very foundations of our household. When our family is up in arms with battles over situations upon them, we too are drawn into the war. In the anxiety of the moment, our first instinct is to just react to the fight. This isn’t always the best wisdom however. We have to realize how important it is to have a battle plan.

We can look to history for our lesson in this. The biggest victories all came about because of strategic planning. In the middle of the war I am pulling myself up a chair to look over the maps of land before me. Now is the hour when I will need to confer with the greatest of minds for wisdom in how to go forth into mine and my family’s victory. Quietly I will listen and learn.

Proverbs 2:6 For the Lord gives wisdom, and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding

A lesson to surprise me is the power there is in weakness. My independent nature is taken to task when I have to lay it down and admit my need for help. In times past I preferred my sense of well being and ability to sustain a natural strength in my daily walk. This is not the way it works for me anymore. Once I gain my own momentum there is usually a rightly placed reminder to stumble me into a place of humble awakening. In this place of weakness I am quiet and remember where it is my strength comes from.

Psalms 28:7  (NIV)  The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

I love a good oxymoron and especially a way to use it. A band from years ago called Bad Company did a song called “Ready For Love”, where they lamented about heading toward a bitter end but held out for love to save the day.

It reminds me of the “bad company” Jesus kept when he walked the earth. The religious crowd blasted him for hanging out with the undesirables. Jesus however saw them as looking desperately for love. He wasn’t waiting in the temple expecting them to come to church, he went to find them in the places they were at. He sought after their hungry hearts.

If we could truly look into hearts we would see the same thing Jesus saw. We would see those seeking love in all the wrong places and show them an alternative desire for their passionate longings.

A  song I was listening to said, “what’s it gonna be ’cause I can’t pretend”. The song itself was referring to a love relationship where the singer wanted more. It yanked at my heart strings for the ache and longing so many of us have within, but we hold back our expression for the thousand reasons we fear sharing love.

What is the biggest reason we withhold? Rejection! That pain of loving someone who may not love you back in the same way you long to be loved. Being a wounded lover myself, I have to revisit that scar and the damage laid upon my soul because of it. Is it really worth holding back my all because I didn’t get my expectations?

I have learned my expectations had been wrong to begin with. The best thing about loving someone is to love them without expectation. That’s where the real freedom lies, in giving away love without restraint.