“You’ve changed!” Clearly it was an accusation and I accepted the truth as spoken. A loved one dear to me was hurt and yet I couldn’t fathom how to comfort him except to hear him out and just be in love with his heart despite its anguish.
It raised a question and I must confess in that hour I had no answer. I had prayed for so very long for a changed heart; one that wasn’t filled with selfish and personal lusts, both in flesh and materialism. I prayed I could be different, seen in a new light, flaming brightly; a light of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and although not my favorite, even self-controlled.
I had loathed my bad behavior of old and to realize someone I loved longed for the “old” me was a surprise. I asked more questions to find out what it was that was missed. Listening closely I realized it’s not the old nature that is really missed so much as the new nature needing to be understood. This will take time and work beyond anything I can accomplish in myself so I will be in the waiting place.
This conversation had me reflecting upon myself, now and past. When I was younger I can remember thinking I was a depressed and introverted personality. To be outgoing and joyous was great, but as soon as I was alone darkness crawled back in and I felt like a fraud. I started to think of myself as the masked woman who wore one face in public and quite another when I was alone. As I mature, I am awakening to the real truth. It was never the depressed girl that was real; she was simply the prisoner of circumstances, hurts and a wounded soul. Once the mask of darkness was removed, my joyous light could be seen by all.
Changes no longer seem fearful however lack of change is death to me. I cannot put on the mask of old again, it just doesn’t fit anymore.
2 Cor 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!