DebraBee

The space just wasn’t big enough for my head! Ever felt that way? I’m not talking about an ego thing. Merely the spaciousness of a really large mental table to put all your thoughts out before you, so you can examine them in depth. You know…throw the frivolous thoughts into the trash and try to piece together the jigsaw puzzle so you could see the actual picture with clarity. That precious picture you know you carry in your head. You could see it if you only had the room to look at all the pieces at once. You know your destiny is in that puzzle and you are so curious to see what it really looks like upon completion. It’s your vision, given only to you. A private thing really, but a precious thing.

Proverbs 29:18a (TWB) Where there is no vision, the people perish

“Let me know the wonder of all of you” rolled out of my speakers. I had to walk away but the echo stayed with me. So many relationships of friends, family and possible love interests came to mind. Had I found the wonder of them or did I grow tired of the chase?

What does it take to captivate us when the newness wears off? When the day to day reality becomes common? We are so fickle in our attention span and yet we desire so much more. I think the key in any relationship is to avoid “common”. When we approach things without anticipation or excitement it’s impossible to desire the more that’s available to us. Our relationships should be the most precious thing on earth and yet we rarely invest into them with the same passion we long to take from them.

“Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us. ”  Marianne Williamson

A couple of paragraphs into the guy’s conversation and it was obvious he didn’t know what he wanted or needed. When I tried to narrow down the scope of his problem he snapped at me and said, “You’re not listening!” This actually took me back for a moment. I’m not impervious to anger and I could feel my face flush. A funny thing happened though, I shut up and let him talk on and on. Finally he asked me if I was still there, to which I replied, “Yes, I’m listening.”

I have many conversations like this due to the nature of my job but today this caught my attention. It made me think about how often our problems probably can’t be solved by someone at the end of a phone, but what if you are the only one in that moment to offer any hope of a possible solution?

The guy actually tagged me pretty good, because I only wanted specific details and he wanted to tell a tale beyond what I required. In the end I couldn’t help him with what he needed which is what I had surmised from the very beginning. Instead, he helped me learn something more about the hearts of people. In every situation we need hope and someone to really listen to what we are troubled about. However major, however minor, we are hoping for someone who really cares.

In relationships there is a truth to realize. We make mistakes. I can spend some time beating myself up for things I cannot change or eventually I have to change my tactic to understand why. It’s only in understanding the why of my mistake that I can take away any hope from the situation.

We are here to grow and learn and this process never ends, at least for those who have a healthy outlook for their lives. I have to say I never want to quit learning but the lessons aren’t always pleasant.

James 3:13 (WNT) Which of you is a wise and well-instructed man? Let him prove it by a right life with conduct guided by a wisely teachable spirit.

An old upright piano stood in the corner of the small duplex. As a favor of request, their friend sat at the keys and began to play one of the most beautiful classical pieces I have found to love. Moonlight Sonata by Ludwig van Beethoven. I closed my eyes and let the notes engulf me with their depth. This was beauty that transcended the need for words or conversation. How I wished all communication could be this pure and simple.

I stood on the corner of a road called “Noble” and looked at the clouds parting enough for a brilliant display of light and power. I could smell the scent of pine and wood burning fires from nearby homes. It was good to feel the crisp chill on my face and contemplate the greatness of my Father. He had been pouring out love and good dreams all around me. I lifted my hands in awe of His wonder. This day was only just beginning and I wondered what more He had in store for me who loves Him so much?

I sat in the car with only the light of the stereo to permeate any darkness. Sometimes the quietness put upon my heart is a gift I enjoy causing me to listen more carefully then I normally am able. I could hear music in the background but there was a louder song I needed to tune into. It was the hum of my heavenly Father’s heart.

Tears fell down my cheeks and I was unashamed by them. I simply let them fall as I heard the most beautiful music to be heard here upon this earth….the sound of another heart expressing their love for our Lord. In the moment I was left without words and afterwards I can only wonder at the rich experience. Looking out the window I searched the sky for the stars. They felt so much nearer this night.

Some days challenge my ability to not snap under the weight of the pressure. I could actually feel my shoulders tensing up with each passing hour as the weights just kept being added. With every phone call, email and person coming to ask something I began to wonder how much more could I take? These are the times I need to really “breathe”. One breath at a time, living one minute at a time without worry for the future, just believe.

As my day ends I wonder what it is I accomplished and so I take inventory. I realize I have not snapped so I gained stamina. I was able to answer all questions put to me with patience and calm, this means growth in my maturity. Wow, do I have a ways to go but I count today as a step continuing in the right direction.

My office has a wall of photographs I enjoy. It’s not very organized and reflects our constantly changing life. I actually don’t keep too many framed pictures around my house anymore. Something about their static nature didn’t agree with the dynamic life we lead. I can’t even remember the last time I put photos in a book.

Gazing at some of these pictures makes me realize the importance of each relationship I have with those in my photographs. I have to take care not to treat them with a static mindset. People change and we have to flow with these changes. It’s important we don’t box them into our memories of yesterday.