DebraBee

I tiptoed amongst the flowers hoping I’d not crush a one. Their colors were so radiant and the scent was like nothing I’d ever smelled before. The meadow stretched beyond the ability of my eyes to see.  I longed to drop down and roll so as to cover myself in their beauty and essence. Stopping in my tracks I breathed deep of the moment. Looking down upon myself I realized I too wore the beauty and essence I longed to be amongst.

For a moment I thought I caught a glimpse of the whole picture but when I turned to look closer it had shattered into thousands of puzzle pieces. I tried to remember what I had seen when the image began to fade into something I could only hope it to be. One by one I began collecting the pieces of my hope, putting each inside my heart. My Father knows how much I love puzzles.

My agenda is one I have planned well. All my notes are perfect and my thoughts for how it needs to go are in alignment with those who agree with my thinking. My calendar is set for what I want to do. I take a deep sigh of comfort knowing the day will go well for me.

The day arrives but something is amiss. The calendar has been changed. The people of alignment have been moved elsewhere. The comfort of my flesh is no longer present. I take a deep sigh in discomfort and pray the day will go well for HIM.

All is as it should be once more, HIM, not me.

A bass rhythm echoed through every structure around her. The music seemed deafeningly loud and the crowd was huge. She tried to find open spaces to walk so as to keep moving toward where she was to go. The press of bodies felt as if they were a living wall. Her shoulders became sore with the constant bumping and nudging. She knew she was moving against the flow. Occasionally she could hear derision and ridicule from those who didn’t understand why she was walking in the opposite direction. Determination set her face like flint, cutting through the sea of people. While the loud beat of the world sounded all around her, she could still hear a quiet voice drawing her into the concert for eternity. With each step she knew she was getting closer to the real song.

Historical books can bring us understanding regarding successes but also failures. To read these chronicles takes an eye for seeing the whole picture. I can love history, but it will never change my life until I can learn from it every lesson to be had.

The little girl hid within the woman’s heart, peeking out now and again to see if the world had changed. This was her home and she liked wandering through the different chambers to feel warmth and love. Now and again she sensed the pain of arrows trying to lodge themselves in the walls. Diligently she’d pry them out to throw them aside. Rubbing the wounds with her tiny hands she’d whisper, “you are loved” until the healing came.

With every conversation I felt as though more and more of myself was left behind. No matter how many words used it seemed as though nothing was really said. Eventually I stopped talking. I wanted to save the breath that I had. My love needed no more words. Eyes closed I listened; a sentence spoken by a friend came to mind…”I wish I could have added more to your life than I took away“. Sage wisdom I wanted to live out.

I close my fingers around the rock in my hand to feel all its edges, enjoying the understanding. As a living stone I realize it’s God holding onto me in His own hand. His touch will eventually smooth my outer sharpness that can hurt others. I snuggle myself deeper into His palm. His love polishes me to shine with His glory.

I watch her from a distance as she walks towards a flame that has been burning forever. The brilliant light is hard to look at and energy waves roll off letting me know I am to keep my distance if I want to stay comfortable. I can only see her from the back and I wonder at her identity. I cannot fathom her lack of fear to keep going forward. What made her come to this decision and how could she find the courage to walk into such a destiny? I see her pause unexpectedly, slowly turning to look back at me. Her arms are extended, inviting me to join her.

I feel my breath catch in my chest when I see her face. I realize I am looking at my spirit beckoning me to come where my flesh does not want to go. Tears burn upon my cheeks knowing my answer to this invitation.