DebraBee

I held onto my treasure map, its value incalculable. Without warning I felt a tug upon this directional paper, as though unseen hands were trying to pry it from my own. Looking around me, I could not visually see with my eyes where this pull was coming from. Focusing upon the map, I tightened my grip and sang a song of worship about its beauty. Another tug came to tear away pieces, making my treasure map incomplete. Nothing could I do but sing and wait. Soon I heard other voices join mine. Looking once more upon my treasure map I noticed the pieces which had been torn away were now restored as I stood side by side with those who would also sing.

In an instant I desire to be different. Instantly healed of every wound, instantly delivered from every dark memory. Instantly relieved of any pressure, instantly removed from any discomfort. Instantly gratified.

God in His wisdom speaks to me, ..we also glory in the tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Also He speaks, an inheritance gained hastily at the beginning will not be blessed at the end.*

*Rom 5:3-5, Pro 20:21

Ever have a friend who only feels safe when privately telling you they really do believe in the bible?  Ever have that same friend tell you what they believe the bible is speaking? Put them in a group setting at work or social gatherings and they look to blend in with everyone else. Nothing about them would appear different from anyone around them. This is nothing new at all. Jesus never taught in secret, yet he had disciples who believed in Him, but only secretly. They were so fearful of what others would think of them, they’d never openly say, “this Man speaks truth”. All of these people went to church.  (CEV John 19:38b …was one of Jesus’ disciples. He had kept it secret though, because he was afraid of the Jewish leadership.)

A disciple is one who believes the Word as truth. Truth will never be anything more or less. To follow truth will take courage. From Mark 10:32b “…and Jesus was going before them; and they were amazed. And as they followed they were afraid.”

I am one of those who are afraid. My courage melts in the reality of understanding who God is. Daily I ask for His courage to continue to follow Him knowing how afraid I am. Yes, I too have fear of what others think of my belief in truth. What are my options? Will I be a secret disciple, secure in my position among my peers, or will I openly declare what I know as truth?

I once stood before a mirror examining my uniform. It was important I looked like everyone else, not standing out in any way that would draw the wrong attention for correction. Every possible wrinkle was hidden behind hours of starch, ironing out what others might criticize with their words or eyes. My ribbons and badges I made obvious in conversation for how I had attended this training or that seminar.

One day my stomach began to make noises so loud I feared it could be heard. I began to hide away to feed myself. The more I fed though, the hungrier I became. Less and less attention I paid to my uniform appearance. My obsession was to quiet my inward growling and get back to stand in that place of expectation. It was made known that those who didn’t show up for formation would be thought rebellious or fallen comrades.

The hunger only increased until it was all consuming. I could no longer find the time to perform my duties to stand in line. A choice was before me; I could starve in my uniform or be fed in that place of hiddenness.

When I think the silence of friends and family will drown me, it does. In that death I can hear again. My Father’s voice becomes clear once more, no longer lost in the din of life or expectations I have. My eyes focus rightly and I begin to truly see. Staring upon His countenance, I grow blind to the world around me; He is the light of life.

“Come closer.”

“Who are you?”

“My name is Desire.”

“Why should I come closer?”

“I can offer you what you want.”

“How’s that?”

“I bring comfort and pleasure.”

“Sounds pretty good, what do you want from me?”

“Nothing at all, just let me be with you.”

“I think I need to get to know you better before I decide to give you a place in my life.”

James 1:15 Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart

Tightly I held onto the only thing that mattered. If I could physically tattoo every word upon my skin I would submit to the needle, however it wasn’t my outward appearance that could help me. Putting love directly upon my heart I prayed for these words to burn themselves into the very depths of my being.

A dove’s cry awoke me for the sunrise. My mind drifted back to a time earlier in the week when I heard a friend read aloud to me…“he sent the dove out from the ark. Then the dove came to him in the evening, and behold, a freshly plucked olive leaf was in her mouth; and Noah knew that the waters had receded from the earth.” *

Listening to the cooing I closed my eyes imagining this scene from the past. Within moments I was reminded to look outside. The past had been written so I could live in the promise of today with the hope of all tomorrow.

* Gen 8:10b-11

I walked in the new direction. At times my steps felt heavy, my legs sore from pushing through for a new path. In my weariness I stopped for a moment to gather my breath. Looking ahead for what I could not see, I wondered. I put my face into my palms, wiping my brow. The whisper of discouragement tried to worm its way into my ears. Anger rose up within. Tilting my head back I screamed at the top of my lungs…

Lord, I cry out to You;
Make haste to me!
Give ear to my voice when I cry out to You.
Let my prayer be set before You as incense,
The lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice

Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth;
Keep watch over the door of my lips.
Do not incline my heart to any evil thing,
To practice wicked works
With men who work iniquity;
And do not let me eat of their delicacies.

Let the righteous strike me;
It shall be a kindness.
And let him rebuke me;
It shall be as excellent oil;
Let my head not refuse it.

For still my prayer is against the deeds of the wicked.
Their judges are overthrown by the sides of the cliff,
And they hear my words, for they are sweet.
Our bones are scattered at the mouth of the grave,
As when one plows and breaks up the earth.

But my eyes are upon You, O GOD the Lord;
In You I take refuge;
Do not leave my soul destitute.
Keep me from the snares they have laid for me,
And from the traps of the workers of iniquity.
Let the wicked fall into their own nets,
While I escape safely. *

* Psalm 141