DebraBee

They were a couple standing at the on-ramp of the freeway with their thumbs out. They didn’t look strung out, just desperate for help. I was alone but something touched me about their situation so I did the unthinkable in this day and age……I pulled over.

Their story was common; he had a car but it needed work, neither of them had any money or jobs but they had each other to hold onto in this hour. He needed to get to the next town over for a court appearance. I didn’t ask him what for, I just listened to them while we made small talk. They both reeked of marijuana but I ignored the smell and tried to joke with them here and there.

I left them at the next town’s overpass area in front of a Denny’s restaurant. They said it was hours before they had to be in court so they’d walk there. Thanking me for the ride all I could think of to say was, “may God bless you”.

I wonder about them now and again, wondering just how their blessing may have come?

From all the horror movies available at any video store you can gather people like to be scared. I can’t relate myself since I suffered from nightmares well into my adult years. Over the past several years my nightmares are few and far between and I am grateful to my heavenly Father for giving me peaceful nights of sleep.

A conversation earlier today with a friend brought insight into what others still face on a daily basis. What if the monster wasn’t just in your dreams, but you had to live with them? Who could you tell and how would you escape? Worse still, what if you loved the monster?

My older brother died many years ago when he caught a ride home with an acquaintance at a party who was drunk. This driver missed a turn. I was all of seventeen at the time and the scars I carry from that reality are permanently burned upon my heart. I am aware of how precious life is in a way many don’t always realize.  I can remember making a promise to live my life for “two” from that moment on, but my problem was I wasn’t living my life for even “one” at the time.

Fast forward to my reality now and I ask myself this question, “am I living my life out to keep the promise I made in those teenage years?” Not yet is what I have concluded, but I am not without an understanding I am well on my way to keeping that promise in full and more so.

For every moment I can encourage another, help another, love another, laugh with another, cry with another than my life is not the selfishness of living for “one”.

“Where do you think you’re going when you die?” Girl 1

“Into a casket.” Girl 2

“Why do you believe that?” Girl 1

“Because that’s what we are taught in school. We come back like a flower or something.” Girl 2

Hearing this conversation made my blood boil in the deeper parts of me. How could we, as mothers and fathers of this generation, have let go of our God given right to share the truth? When did we begin to let our schools dictate what our children are to learn about the hope of life? When did reading and writing morph into drumming all hope out of the hearts of our youth? Where are the passionate prayers for justice?

I was leaning back in a throne made of huge rocks, the best seat for viewing the ocean’s horizon. My eyes were drawn toward the sea’s wash of blue green and I could only imagine at its size. I looked up and soaked my face in the rays of the sun and the blue skies, wondering about its scope too. I tried to understand a love so vast for me, even this rule of measurement couldn’t contain it.

Ephesians 3:14-19 (NIV)

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge–that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

A few years ago my husband picked me up a cd from overseas on one of his many travel adventures. I can remember a song called “I Don’t Wanna Be” sung by some names I don’t remember, but I do recall the sentiment of the tune. They didn’t want to be called by names not their own and then the best line of all….”I just want to be free, I just wanna be me.”

I had always liked the song, but today I understand fully what they were speaking of. As a society we put demands on each other and ourselves for definitions of who we are or who we should be. What happens to us when we can’t identify with that assigned role?

I have been contemplating the greater things in life. Today I was focused on my purpose for walking about the earth in this hour. There are moments when the normal routine of life just doesn’t do it for me, I get bored. There is more to life than punching a clock, paying bills or getting together with other peeps once in a while.

I know there’s more because I have tasted it now and again. My taste at living the real life has come while doing something for others, especially when they can give you nothing back in return. The greatest rewards for my living have been while giving my life away in those moments.

I meet so many people who are looking for a hero. What I see in these people are heroes in disguise. They just need to step out of their ordinary existence and do the unordinary things. They need to let their hearts release the hero within.

Challenging thoughts are important to me. I am not interested in some automaton existence, nor do I think most others to be. I suspect this is why most of us have a challenge to understand who Jesus is? Many who try to share their faith, end up sharing religion rather than their love.

I will confess my struggle to understand my own faith and what it means to share with others the truth of life and love. I despise religion to the very core of what it means, but I am not sure those standing on the outside of me understand who I am? Do they see my love or do they see my religion?