Category: Blog Article

An email from a friend expressed a love for me while sharing a glimpse of the heart momentarily. I am always touched by such revelation because it is such an act of trust for one to open themselves up. They spoke to me of the guidance and love of Jesus and told me my own need just seems so much more overwhelming.

I would have to agree and say mine is a desperation! I know most would analytically assume my life is one of unfulfilled needs. YES!!! I have a need to be fulfilled of the very thing within my heart I am sure to obtain but not upon this earth. How can I not be desperate for eternity and the life I was made to live? A life without tears, sickness, brokenness and sin, a life fulfilled in the presence of the one who made me. My heart is always going to seek the eternal promise for the breath span I am meant to walk in this existence. I await the beauty I am to behold and to be.

Ecc 3:11a   He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts….

My reading material this past week is about “desire”! I keep switching between a couple of books, but the fact of the matter is the topic stirs my passion in ways I cannot quite describe well. I used to equate passion with only sexual response or emotion; however to be stirred fully fires up the deeper realities of what passion brings. It’s about what lies within all of our hearts.

The longing to be loved, the longing to be wanted, the longing to be needed and yes the longing to be touched. How many of us have stopped “desiring” all we are meant to be? Thinking it was not possible anymore? Let’s see if I can hit on a few lies in how our minds might dismiss such notions…..age, I’m too old….circumstance, my course is already set…doubt, it will never happen….fear, I can never do that for myself?

My God, and I do mean that literally, when did we ever stop desiring all that could be ours? Who told us we couldn’t have it all when clearly the word tells us we can? Love, life, eternity…yeah, I want it all!

I was reminded by a text message about the saying, “more than words”. It took me back a few years to when I was first dating my husband. He was so quiet in person and still is but he knew how to write some amazing letters. I later found the man to be able to express love in ways I would have never conceived. Some were obvious, some were over the top, but what stole my heart was the small ways he shared love.

He taught me how love was meant to be everyday! This man still captivates my heart all these years later. My greatest desire would be to live my life loving him and others in everything I do; to show my love with more than words.

What does it cost to be brave? To walk head on into what we fear the most? I want to be a woman of courage but there are moments when I feel anything but courageous. More like a bucket of anxiety. My head starts to fill with all kinds of thoughts to fuel the wrong fire.

I went to get my book of comfort and I started to wonder about the brave warrior Gideon who didn’t see himself as having any strength at all. He had an interesting conversation with an angel of the Lord giving voice to his own insecurities. I was impressed by what the Lord spoke to him. “Peace be with you; do not fear, you shall not die.”

I sometimes need to remember to walk in peace and choose not to fear despite what I may be facing. Not easy but I have found comfort in knowing my heavenly Father has some wonderful plans for me.

I had wanted to get some fresh air so I headed back out of the store. Passing a large wall with dozens of faces I saw the posters reading, “Have You Seen This Child?” There were so many posters it stopped me in my tracks. I was so heart broken by this wall of faces. I forced myself to look at each one of them and read their names.

Who were they? Where were they? How young had they been? Was it possible they were still alive? As a parent there can be nothing more devastating then to learn something has happened to your child, but what if you didn’t know what happened to them? I could feel my guts wrenching over every name. Seeing things like this makes me want to just say, “stop the world and let me off”.

These children need to come home. If they can’t come home then these children and their parents need some justice.
Prov 21:15  When justice is done, it brings joy to the righteous but terror to evildoers

“Go out and talk to her.”

My sister knew I would. Without question I did as she asked, thinking I was to encourage a stranger. The reality was anything but! I met a woman from Minnesota, an art major who had been drawn to California for a God given purpose.

For the next thirty minutes I knew I was in the presence of a special blessing. For months I had been given private messages about butterflies. When this young woman shared her drawings of my heart I could barely breathe looking at them.

I used to listen to Van Halen enough to have seen them in concert more than once. After they changed lead singers I figured it was a doomed program but to my surprise they kept chugging out some music I still would listen to. It didn’t hurt they brought in a guitarist I also liked as a replacement.

One of these songs has lit up my heart in areas I couldn’t have imagined years ago. The title of it is called, “The Best Of Both Worlds”. Although the band got the truth wrong, they got the longing for more right. I edit music in my head for what may encourage me and I disregard the rest, kind of fun really. This is how I edited this particular song….

Best of Both Worlds  (lyrics…kept the best, dumped the rest)

I don’t know what I’ve been livin’ on, but
It’s not enough to fill me up
I need more than just words can say

‘Cause sometimes it’s not enough.
This can be everything we dreamed
It’s not work that makes it work

‘Cause honey, something reached out and touched me
Now I know all I want

I want the best of both worlds
An’ honey I know what it’s worth
If we could have the best of both worlds
We’d have heaven right here on earth.

We forget where we come from sometimes

John 10:10  (Message)  A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.

*underlines added…we should understand what is meant by real and eternal

I once wrote about the figurative mask I used to wear for other people. At the time I used an actual mask without any distinguishing features for a photo mock up. For some reason I kept that mask and now it hangs on a wall in my office as a reminder. I’d love to have some clever words for such reasoning but the bottom line is I need reminders.

When my confidence level is too much on myself or not enough in my heavenly Father; these reminders put me back where I belong…..beneath the feathers where I will find refuge.

Psalm 91:1-4  He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart

Like a majority of the population it is necessary for me to work full time to help pay bills. I fantasize now and again about walking away from the daily grind but it’s just not time yet. I imagine it must be rewarding for those who can actually see some progress at the end of their work day. They don’t have to wonder about what it is they’ve accomplished.

My work does not afford me any visual stimuli and I confess to having times of absolute discouragement. In those moments of frustration, when I wonder what it is I am working for? I don’t think about the bills I have to pay. No, I think about the times I’ve been able to be of help to others. Not just with a few bucks here and there but also simple words of encouragement.

When I can’t see any immediate results for my efforts, I recall the bigger plan. This helps me to continue on regardless of what I don’t see.

2 Cor 5:7   We live by faith, not by sight

A recent music cd I picked up has some pretty aggressive worship music and it truly appeals to the fighter in me. A lyric sings out “history belongs to those who pray”. Wow, what a concept! The simple fact we are still all living on this planet and haven’t annihilated each other offers us proof this is truth.

Having walked both sides of the fence, I challenge those who think prayer doesn’t make a difference to check themselves for the times they weren’t praying versus the times they did.