Month: October 2011

My heart was an island set apart. It had been cold and dark, in a far away place where no one dared journey enough to reach it. You came to find it. You brought Your love with endless waves, wearing down the jagged edges of my coastland. You took away the coldness with Your Son. You brought light into every dark corner, letting new growth begin. You built the bridge to share my heart with others.

It was a short drive. I sat in the passenger seat absorbing portions of my life. I had grown up in this place but it didn’t seem like I had actually lived here. My eyes roamed trying to find the memories that mattered. The land held nothing for me, but I could feel love’s anchor for those who still called this home.

The river came into view and my heart began to race. Over the years it had changed course. I stared at it for as long as it was in view, fascinated. I was sure trails I had explored as a child had been washed away. My mind speculated about new trails to be forged because the river would always have its way.

Here I stand so small in Your large. I am ordinary where You are extraordinary. I have tilted my head back all the way trying to see Your heights. Standing still I feel You moving around me. Reaching out I touch You in everything. My questions never express what I desire to know. In You are answers, all my answers.

I bumped into you. Barely turning your head my way, your reflex response was, “oops, sorry”, and you moved on. You did not “see” me.

A memory of a strange movie I saw as a child comes. Its character was blind, deaf and mute. A song plays in my mind…

See me, feel me, touch me, heal me
See me, feel me, touch me, heal me
See me, feel me, touch me, heal me
See me, feel me, touch me, heal me

Listening to you I get the music
Gazing at you I get the heat
Following you I climb the mountain
I get excitement at your feet
Right behind you I see the millions
On you I see the glory
From you I get opinions
From you I get the story
Listening to you I get the music
Gazing at you I get the heat
Following you I climb the mountain
I get excitement at your feet *

The crowds are huge and I wander alone. Looking carefully at faces I pass, my ears hear multitudes of many voices. Walking in and out of the streams of people, I visualize the currents of our existence. We bump into each other but do not connect, no matter how much we touch.

A pain enters my heart and I begin to cry from within for the more we are meant to be…

* Lyrics by The Who- – See Me, Feel Me

The moon lay low in a sky not yet dark. I crested a small hill, barely able to remember the drive. I blinked in momentary understanding. My destination had been laid out for years. I had to want to go on the journey. My healing was to be found somewhere on these roads. Among friends I’d not yet met….In words I hadn’t yet shared…..In tears I’d be reluctant to shed….Here I would need to lose myself as I’d always been….Here I would find myself as I was meant to be.

There are many packages to choose from. Those wrapped in beautiful paper with huge bows of expensive ribbon. I am drawn to the one with twine. Its wrapping is the frayed edges of common paper. It holds the package together just enough. The paper’s ink is smudged from years of reading. Someone loved this word and left the fingerprints of their life all over it. Someone knew its value. I want that treasure for myself.

I bowed in my seat, wanting to be alone in the crowd. Someone laid their hands upon my back but I could not hear what they spoke. My head was pounding and I forced myself to hear the song. They sang what I had no voice for. I looked at my palms wondering when the day would come. Words ached in my heart…oh to see His glory. The drums came in and out of my hearing. A rhythm played that didn’t seem to go with the song. How many could hear it? How many would walk in the different rhythm?

Without thought I run my fingers though my wet hair. Looking out the window I see nothing. My mind is full of memories playing over and again. A song plays in the background…”I call out to You my Lord, hear the cry of my heart, change me to be like You I pray, come Lord, Jesus have your way”.

Quietly I wait for the surrendering of self…..

Touched with tenderness, I fear I may collapse inwardly for what I feel in my heart. There can be no talk for such moments. Quietly I sip my tea and look out at the sun ducking behind clouds of the coming rains. Seasons change and I can only hold on for the strength I need to change with it. I long to see beyond the bends in the road I travel. My eyes grow tired. I close them in rest. Here I wait again.

The storm waits upon the horizon. Its warning clouds gather in anticipation of their release. Those whose eyes watch can see it coming. The sleepers ignore the signs and slumber in denial and ignorance.