Month: November 2010

Before I knew I’d be a woman of faith, I can remember defining moments in my life determining my character. A simple example of this was how I’d once bad mouthed a fellow co-worker amongst my office staff. What I had said got back to the bosses. I was called into a private meeting with these bosses who sat across from me, and I was confronted for what I had said.

In that moment I had to make a choice. I instantly knew what I had done had undermined my reputation and that of the one I’d spoken against. Immediately I knew I was to be fired for the rash way I had spoken without thinking. With that thought in mind I simply went for the truth of who I wanted to be…honest!

I confessed to what they knew I’d said about my co-worker. Without thinking I also apologized in true repentance. In this moment of confrontation I knew what I had done was not because I was right but because I had been irritated with the task itself. It had seemed small and belittling. Despite knowing I was to be fired, I felt a peace in having been honest.

To my surprise something changed in the meeting. The bosses who had come in with grim and determined demeanor seemed to be taken aback. It would seem they were expecting me to defend myself or blame shift. With more gentleness than I deserved, they reprimanded me not to do it again and sent me back to work.

Looking back now I understand how repentance leads to forgiveness….

In a boxing match, two opponents often stand face to face literally throwing jabs at each other until one succumbs. Wrestling however is much more of a constant contact sport. The opponents are using their entire bodies to try and pin the other guy to the mat. An on-line definition of wrestling said…sparring partners who attempt to gain and maintain a superior position. In this type of match you don’t always see your opponent’s face, so you can’t always gauge where their next attack may come from, but you always feel it.

It was the word wrestle that made me think about the battle I’ve been in. About the time I think I have the advantage, I’m flipped over again and must consider my strategy for how to regain the superior position. It’s in this uncomfortable predicament where I most remember the importance of being submissive. Not to my enemy’s attack, but to my heavenly Father’s plan of assurance that I will indeed be successful to overcome the opponent.

Eph 6:10-18  Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints

Quietly I ponder the great wonder and awe who is my heavenly Father. In the glow of His presence I persist to know Him more. He delights in my eagerness to want more of Him. He breathes encouragement into my heart and I am filled once more with fresh desire to come closer. Like a child I stand before Him and ask to sit in His lap so I can feel His arms around me once more.

Parking my car, I had seen her out of the corner of my eye. Every time I’d met her before, she made it clear; all were to leave her alone. While getting my water and book bag, I could only wonder why she was here now. Inwardly I was praying against fear. Not mine, but hers.

Saying hi, I spoke to her by the name I remembered she had given me once. Sharing back my own name, I asked her if she was coming in for a service. Her response was painful and angry, but I stood still to listen to everything she seemed to need to say. She had no idea how deeply she was hurting me with her words, and I wasn’t inclined to tell her as much.

I already sensed knowing she’d had too many words spoken to her in her lifetime. Promises broken, those who said they loved her but then hurt her deeply. She didn’t need more words from a stranger to dispute what she felt. Once she had finished with her tongue lashing, I simply responded, “Well I hope you have a good morning”. It was a lame acknowledgment, yet the best I could offer after being shredded.

I am carrying her in my heart, but it goes against the logic of my mind. She as much as told me how useless I am. To her credit she didn’t curse at me when she was stripping me down. My mind says, “Why would you give her a second thought, she hates you and everything about you? She’s a complete stranger.” My heart keeps responding with “agape” love to say, “Love the unlovable. Be intentional about that love. Be purposed to see her with kind eyes. Don’t give up.”

* Love defined as a verb…Love can be known only from the actions it prompts…It does not always run with the natural inclinations, nor does it spend itself only upon those for whom some affinity is discovered. Love seeks the welfare of all.  (*Excerpt from Vine’s Concise Dictionary)

Love Is A Verb….(lyrics by DC Talk)

Words come easy but don’t mean much

When the words they’re saying we can’t put trust in

We’re talkin’ ’bout love in a different light

And if we all learn to love it would be just right

My fingertips hurt from guitar stings. Now and again a desire to express my inner thoughts can push me to try mediums of art I don’t feel gifted for. My lack of talent doesn’t stop me from pushing myself into outer boundaries even when I hear my own thoughts tell me to stop.

Like a small child, I plunge my hands deep into paint buckets. Pulling them out I just wait for God Himself to show me the canvases I am to put my fingers upon.

An old song crept into my thoughts as I drove in the dark and rain. “Take it easy on me”. My heart felt so tender, any prick could bring me to a place of pensiveness. The waiting had come again without any answers for what. I wanted to wrap arms around myself as though to physically protect my heart from incoming arrows.

Home again and I had no voice. I lay my head upon the pillow hoping for silence from the lies. In between I heard my own thoughts, “take it easy on me”. The dream came, awakening a reality within. I could see myself sharing what was burning in the depths of my heart. I had been dressed in the color red, the blood of my King a symbol to me that it was not my own strength which would carry my voice.

Love has chased me into the deepest and darkest pits of despair. Love has overcome me. Drowning me until I myself quit fighting, desiring to succumb to its truth. Love is the only hope I have for what my life is to be the remainder of my days here upon this earthly existence. Love is all that matters.

Gifts for me aren’t necessarily ones I expect to receive. Today I was given a precious package wrapped in reality, and inside of it was “lack”. To realize my lack was to understand my deficiency, to know I had nothing to offer and see my shortcomings. The impact upon my heart was precise. I could feel a cutting away of pride and determination to be independent. This wonderful gift was an invitation to keep letting go of my own ability and embrace humility.

Joh 15:5  “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in Me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from Me you can do nothing.”