I once stood before a mirror examining my uniform. It was important I looked like everyone else, not standing out in any way that would draw the wrong attention for correction. Every possible wrinkle was hidden behind hours of starch, ironing out what others might criticize with their words or eyes. My ribbons and badges I made obvious in conversation for how I had attended this training or that seminar.
One day my stomach began to make noises so loud I feared it could be heard. I began to hide away to feed myself. The more I fed though, the hungrier I became. Less and less attention I paid to my uniform appearance. My obsession was to quiet my inward growling and get back to stand in that place of expectation. It was made known that those who didn’t show up for formation would be thought rebellious or fallen comrades.
The hunger only increased until it was all consuming. I could no longer find the time to perform my duties to stand in line. A choice was before me; I could starve in my uniform or be fed in that place of hiddenness.
When I think the silence of friends and family will drown me, it does. In that death I can hear again. My Father’s voice becomes clear once more, no longer lost in the din of life or expectations I have. My eyes focus rightly and I begin to truly see. Staring upon His countenance, I grow blind to the world around me; He is the light of life.
“Who are you?”
“My name is Desire.”
“Why should I come closer?”
“I can offer you what you want.”
“I bring comfort and pleasure.”
“Sounds pretty good, what do you want from me?”
“Nothing at all, just let me be with you.”
“I think I need to get to know you better before I decide to give you a place in my life.”
James 1:15 Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death
Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart
Tightly I held onto the only thing that mattered. If I could physically tattoo every word upon my skin I would submit to the needle, however it wasn’t my outward appearance that could help me. Putting love directly upon my heart I prayed for these words to burn themselves into the very depths of my being.