Month: June 2010

I took a short hike to a lighthouse point by the bay of San Francisco. Looking up at a sea cliff I was surprised by many deer feeding on the plants. In my wonder at how these creatures managed to navigate these steep rocks, a verse from Habakkuk repeated in my mind.

“Hey, did you happen to see the most beautiful girl in the world, and if you did, was she crying, crying……won’t you tell her that I love her”   *

This man of God was a stranger to the girl, yet he called her forward from the crowd. He boldly told her that he had a word from God to share. For the next few minutes I was broken as he shared travesties from her life. This girl was barely in her teens and she had already lived nightmares. As he spoke to her, words of knowledge, she began to weep.

Seeing the depths of her pain, he took her into his arms and hugged her with the love of a Father she had never known. All who were standing nearby, put hands on her shoulders, pouring out from pools of compassion. Over and over the man of God spoke love and beauty to this precious creature while she cried her pain in his arms. Over and over he spoke to her about her destiny as the daughter of a King.

Looking at the young girl, I was reminded of all the daughters yet to be hugged by a Father’s love and I could feel my spirit groan.

What does immortality mean? For me it’s the knowledge of who I am and always will be. I understand my body is just a shell I am wearing in this lifetime and it’s my spirit that will always carry on. My knowledge is limited however by my lack of experience. As I walk out this life, my experience is only of this dimension.

Another aspect of immortality is memories. People I have known who are no longer with us in this lifetime. They live on in my heart’s recollection of them and how they touched my life. In their loss, I have experienced tremendous pain, but it’s in that pain where I have also found the hope of eternity; to know that once I am released from this bodily shell, I will be freed in spirit to live immortal.

My greatest longing is to see the face of my King and then to see the faces of those whom I miss from this life walk.

Joh 11:26  And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?”

Last decade a phenom rock group called R.E.M. released a song called “Losing My Religion”. In that one sentence they release a sentiment far deeper than words. We all have something we hang onto as precious in our daily worship. Let’s be honest, what is our obsession? A person, place or thing can captivate our time and thoughts. Our jobs, hobbies, food, lusts and even our spouses or children.

I was intrigued that a new book of this same title has also been released by an author who has no belief in God but yet understands the way Christianity is being unfairly targeted in our culture. Almost all religions seem tolerated except the one professing Jesus as truth. I am a Christian believer but I dislike “religion” to my very core. I don’t mind losing my religion as long as I don’t lose my love for Jesus.

Entropy…an interesting word and when we look deeper into it’s meaning there are lots of details about thermodynamics, etc…Easy understanding is “entropy is a measure of the unavailability of a system’s energy to do work”

So here I am examining a scientific ideal in my day to day understanding. I come to an obvious conclusion….I have nothing in my own works to offer….I have reached my maximum entropy.

I dreamed of sand; golden sand with many specks of color from all the rocks of time worn down into these tiny granules. Looking at this sand in my sleep, I remembered how these were representative of my Father’s thoughts toward me.  How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.

In my waking hours I think of my dreams. I have days where the dream feels more real than the life around me. It’s a strange sensation. I hoped the next time I dreamed of sand that I’d be able to build sand castles…..I wanted to see my Daddy’s hands building them with me.

Two doves flew in front of my car, fluttering downward to sit in a nearby yard. Earlier in the day I had watched a pair of horses running full speed as they played together. I nearly walked into a pair of dragonflies connected in flight. A few days earlier I had stumbled upon a pair of male deer relaxing together beneath a shade tree.

I had been feeling alone for reasons not easy to fathom and I drew comfort from this nature around me. It brought to mind the promise, “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” There are times when I can feel as though I am walking alone in my trials, but as each pair from nature was put before my eyes, I knew what I was feeling was not the reality of what I was living.

On an empty trail I looked up into a beautiful blue sky. It seemed wrong to enjoy this alone so I verbally spoke out a prayer for a tangible presence of company from my Lord. Immediately a large blue dragonfly flew down in front of me only a few feet ahead. I delighted in its seeming to lead me on the path for a while. It left me about the time I reached tall purple flowers.

Stopping here I could only offer thanks from my heart for the thousand ways I am assured I never go anywhere alone. I too am paired up in the nature of God.

The light came into our room early. Looking at the clock I knew I should get in the shower. Thinking about this, I lay still, gazing at my husband’s face as he slept. He looked so peaceful. His schedule is generally full on weekends, but not this one. In an instant I knew I wasn’t going anywhere. Closing my eyes again, I concentrated on his even breathing. Such simple pleasures were meant to be savored and I wrapped my arm around him to hold on tightly.

The ride was long and he kept looking at the odometer. The last mile marker helped him calculate three hundred and sixty-five miles left. With so many miles left before him, he could only hope there’d be some decent coffee joints along the way, maybe even some good grub too. He flipped open the cd folder and started looking for something to occupy himself with for several hours.

The ride was long, but looking at the highway before him, he imagined those who had traveled this road before him. What were their destinations, he wondered? The last mile marker showed there to be hundreds of miles where opportunity could take a turn off an exit. A chance encounter to meet someone new, to see a place he’d never been before. He put on his sunglasses and peered into the horizon, waiting for his chance to explore unknown territory.