It’s A Heartache, Nothing But A Heartache


“It’s a heartache, nothing but a heartache”….another tune in my head I hadn’t heard in too many years to number. I couldn’t remember the other words and I understood they didn’t matter. My own heart had been aching for weeks and at first I tried to put definition to the reasons, but nothing fit.

The reality started to come into focus. I had been given a new heart and it was in tune with the One who loves us beyond understanding; One whose heart aches so much for each and every one of us. With each turning away, the heart is pricked afresh, aching for a love unrequited.

Valentine’s day….flowers, candy and love? A reason to remember what love should be. We give “hearts” without thought beyond the sweetness of doing so. Wouldn’t it be amazing to give our hearts fully to the One who taught us the real meaning of love?

1 John 4:19 (NLT) We love each other because He loved us first

Awaiting Strength

A Valentine’s day potluck was going on but I just wasn’t feeling it and I left to take a drive. A light rain had started as I headed toward the countryside. The trees and grape vines were without leaves or limbs. Winter’s grip seemed to be so tight, but along the roadside were bursts of mustard plants defiantly showing their bright yellow.

I could feel a heaviness want to choke me up. Finding a place to pull over for a bit, I shut off my wipers, letting the windshield become a blur of water. An occasional car passing shook my car with wind gust. I was looking at the road before me but saw nothing at all.

My mind wanted to make its own conclusions but I reached for a truth. I had been here before. This was the place where things didn’t make sense, and my feelings would lie to me. I leaned on the Rock waiting for my strength to return once more.

Where Was The Body?

“Where was the body?” It was the only question playing over and over in my head. At first I searched casually but when I couldn’t find it within reasonable proximity, I went into overdrive trying to locate it.

The body I was looking for was that of a cricket. While I was vacuuming the day before, I had seen a dead cricket on the floor next to my glass door. Not being a fan of bugs, I chose not to run over it with my sucking machine. Why take the chance of seeing those critter parts being poured out when I emptied my dirt container? Being a typical woman, I figured I’d ask my husband to dispose of the thing with a napkin.

The man was out for the evening and I was tired. It’d be strange to leave him a note for such a silly thing I thought, and opted to tell him in the morning when I saw him. I went to bed.

Now here I was. The coffee pot was turned on and I went to sit in a chair by the door. Looking down at where the cricket should have been, I only saw two small insect legs, the body was missing! For sure the thing had been dead, and even if it wasn’t, where would it go without legs? When I had exhausted all search of reason, I poured a cup of coffee and went to sit at my table, distancing myself from the “legs” without a body. My mind wouldn’t be still.

That’s when I heard it….a long meow-howl. In sauntered the fat gray furry pet my husband loved unreasonably. Parking himself in the middle of our kitchen rug, he locked eyes with me. Those huge yellow orbs sent a chill up my spine. With a flick of his head the cat went about licking himself as though all was normal. I knew it wasn’t. Apparently the man’s cat didn’t like legs.

Define Me By My Defiance

I am of a generation longing to be defined by my defiance! The status quo is unfit for the mind longing to step into the dreams and promises which are ours to have. After all we are a chosen generation and this is not an age group thing, it’s a now thing.

De-fi-ance….1: the act or an example of defying; bold resistance to an opposing force or authority…2: disposition to resist: willingness to contend or fight

Now is the time to embrace a truth written before the beginning of time as we know it…but what of the cost? Will we defy the comfort of fitting in with our world around us?

A Voice Crying…

“A voice crying in the wilderness…..”

I begin to look at this from life experiences. What seemed like a sentence I thought I understood now becomes so much more. Time and space is the wilderness. We cry out but noise competes with our voice frequencies. Suddenly we can’t be heard over the television, schedules or text messages. Perhaps our voice is too weak?

I think about John being separated from the world and yet those who heard his voice came to seek him out for what he had to share. They wanted to hear his voice. What made these seekers different from others? What was it about his voice that drew people to come to him?

An important word to remember is, “My sheep hear My voice”. While John was in the wilderness “he grew and became strong in the spirit” until it was time for him to begin speaking. John’s separation from the world was also his opportunity to spend time being in the presence of God. We become what we behold. John’s voice became the echo of what he himself had been hearing.

Our weak voice may only be an indication of our needing to spend more time in the presence of the one who can strengthen our vocal chords.

These Are What I Offer….

If I played an instrument out of tune

Would you hear the melody?

And if I sang a song that didn’t rhyme

Would you hear the poetry of my heart?

If I drew a picture without form

Would you see the shapes anyway?

And if I painted with only one color

Would you see the sunsets I have drawn?

These are what I offer

But Your smile lets me know You love them all…

A Motorcycle Lesson

I was given permission to ride a motorcycle and having no common sense but much bravado, I took advantage of the opportunity to utilize this vehicle. I knew motorcycles but this particular one was bigger than me and had more power than I’d ever had access to before.

The excitement of the ride was wonderful and I felt confident I was in full control of this machine, right up to the point of an unexpected red light! I didn’t stop, but gunned through, only to be pulled over by a cop. In a later experience, I tried to park and putting my foot down in a patch of grease, it slipped and I dropped this large machine onto the asphalt…a major faux pas, especially since I did not own the motorcycle.

Had I been given access to power beyond my ability and wisdom to use? A life lesson for sure and one I can only appreciate recently.

Eyes Wide Shut

Movies come and go, but one made in our generation was called “Eyes Wide Shut” starring a couple of pop icons at the time, directed by some name that mattered to the movie industry. I have no comment about the movie itself, but I keep wondering about the title these days. It was plastered on every marquee, talked about in magazines and had more press than many movies even to date. Why?

What if it was a message to the world?

We think our eyes are open but what are we watching for?

Matt 16:3b (Message) ….You find it easy enough to forecast the weather—why can’t you read the signs of the times

Lowly Positions

I find myself in lowly positions lately, meaning getting prostrate when I am moved to do so. Not always convenient, comfortable or timely. Always for purpose….I am being broken in love.

Psa 10:17  LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will prepare their heart; You will cause Your ear to hear

Winter Is Past

Bench and Journal

My shoes sunk deep into the path with each step. The water had saturated the ground and I tried my best to stay in the gravel areas where water drained better. My mind was drawn back to the hills and sunshine of another season. I missed the bench where I could lay out my journal, enjoying the valley view of farmland below.

Winter seasons can be challenging; a lack of brightness, restricted mobility due to weather and opportunity. I love to sing a song in anticipation…

“The winter is past*

The rain it’s over and gone

Flowers they bloom”

Son 2:11  For lo, the winter is past, The rain is over and gone.

*JoAnn McFatter, Winter is Past