Month: August 2009

Yesterday at my desk, I was in the middle of doing what it is I do for a living and a song kept coming into my thoughts. It was so loud in my head I just plain couldn’t ignore it anymore. I didn’t know if I had it on my work pc, but I started looking for it and almost gave up. The song kept bouncing around my gray matter though, so I checked another folder I rarely listen to….there it was….”Love Rollercoaster” by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, a remake of an old dance hit.

I can’t tell you what all the lyrics say since I don’t know them well, but what really stuck with me was, “your love is like a rollercoaster baby, baby, I want to ride”!!! This verse was so catchy I grinned like a kid and played the song several times in a row.

When I left for lunch, I found a quiet place to write and I kept thinking about this song. It reminded me of getting to really know my heavenly Father. As I begin to understand His absolute love, I have been strengthened to take a necessary journey…..my own rollercoaster ride…. a truthful look at where I’ve been, what I’ve done, where I have yet to go and who I am yet to be.

Sometimes this can bring me to phenomenal highs and truthfully, it also can bring me to serious lows. Regardless, I do it for the love of my Lord. I have bought the season pass, however long that may be good for!

Last week at this time I was playing in the city rather then fighting traffic. I have no issues with public transportation so I enjoyed the ferry, taxis and cable cars. I have to say I stopped short with the buses simply because I wasn’t in the mood to schedule anything, not even my time to wander.

Getting home today was a hot affair with temps clearly touching upper levels; made me think of that bay breeze and sitting at sidewalk cafes taking in the atmosphere. Finding enough time to do the things I enjoy versus doing the things I have to is a constant battle I face. In another life I could be quite irresponsible and even now I struggle some days wanting to pick up my cell to phone in my “no show”.

Maturity is schooling me but it’s not an age thing. It’s a maturing of the heart. I now know when it’s time to do what I must versus when it’s time for me to play. I am anticipating the life I will lead without time constraints….

What’s behind the curtain? We all want to know this and if we don’t then perhaps we are happy to be deceived? An old movie many will know is “The Wizard Of Oz”, and of course we know Dorothy came to know the all powerful wizard to be a meager little man wanting to do great things in whatever manner he could accomplish.

This movie has fascinated the multitude for generations now and we can’t dismiss this as mere fluke. When God essentially laid out the plans for the first temple of worship, there was a room considered “the holy of holies” which only the most consecrated of priests were allowed to enter. It was by Jesus’ death on the cross that this curtain was ripped for good from heaven above to earth below. Now all of us can be Dorothy, able to see into the hidden “holy” room, where it’s all being worked out.

We too can ask direct questions of our own. However when we ask what we want to know, be assured it’s not a “meager little man” who responds. There is no man-made illusions behind our salvation.

Do you see with your eyes? I know it’s not your normal question but let’s ask it. I can’t see oxygen but I know it’s there for me to breathe deeply (That is if I’m not in the Caldecott Tunnel near Oakland!) I can feel the wind everywhere I go but there is no indication of its existence except from the witness of tree leaves, flag poles and skirts clutched tightly by the women who walk in its wake.  Oh, and of course, my untamed hair being pushed about my head without reason.

Ever question the existence of God? He created the wind you know….

What does it mean to be brave? What does your brave face look like to the rest of the world? Fear can be such an intimidating factor to our daily lives and for myself, it’s a battle to push into it and through it. One of the best tools I have been helped with is my anger. I get peeved to think I am being held back from the fullness of my life because I’m being intimidated by fear.

I am living in the mental state of “go for it” these days. It’s new, it’s scary but it’s also exciting to anticipate what’s waiting for me on the other side of every fearful wall I smash through. When I get really close to something good, the fear level increases exponentially and the war is on; nothing to do but dig in and shove hard in forward motion.

My favorite phone calls are the ones where we get to share a special moment from someone’s life. It’s so wonderful to hear a voice filled with excitement and joy as they tell you something sweet. Of course there are also the phone calls which can be heavier in mood and sadder in news but I have to say it still hits my heart the same.

To know someone thinks of me whether they are up or down. To know they want to call and speak to me about what is important to their life in that hour. Such things touch me deeply. It makes me realize how we have gone past the casual aspect of friendship and moved into a relationship of a deeper meaning. It means someone trusts me, that I would find what they say important enough to listen.

Such trust is important to me. I now try to keep my phone charged……

Freedom is a concept bigger then what we really can perceive isn’t it? I marvel at how I was born in this time and place, living in a country founded upon this very idea. Jesus stood up to declare who He was and why He came to us when He read aloud from the very word written about Him….

Isa 61:1 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners…

Is it any wonder the last thing our enemy wants us to have is an understanding of this simple concept? If I am really free then why do I avoid the very freedom I have been given? Why do I still think I am an unforgiven sinner? Why do I still think I need to “do something more” for my freedom?

My answer of course is just as simple as the concept given. My enemy likes to “confuse” me and he is the same lying spirit he’s been since the beginning of time. The best antonym (opposite meaning) for the word confuse is sense, which by definition means “perception”.

We come full circle again to how we “perceive” freedom! I have to admit in lieu of chasing word meanings around, I’d rather just accept God’s word as written. He came to proclaim….I am free! My only requirement is to believe it.

Remember….

A more cogent word I cannot imagine. Memories etched within our gray matter permanently! Openly I speak to say some things I never want to remember, but still they are there. The other side of that thought…..many wonderful people and experiences I have in remembrance…these are also etched within that same gray matter. I cannot get rid of the one, without the other.

Without my remembrances I would not know who I am today. A simple sentence; yet a profound realization.

“Contemplate”, now there’s a word, but have we really understood its meaning? Webster dictionary tells us…to ponder or consider thoughtfully, to intend or anticipate, to regard as possible; take seriously.

So let’s chat for a moment about conversation. Let me be the first to confess I have a rough time “contemplating” the conversation of others. With that confession expressed, let me now defend myself for a reason why. Outright honesty would be to say, they didn’t for a moment contemplate even one word coming from the lips of their mouth. Their speech was all about hurting others, building up selves, vanities or multitudes of inane chatter. Does this sound harsh? For sure it is, and I can be an offender myself , so let me be the first to speak aloud….it’s time I watched my own mouth and contemplate what I would say!!!

I can remember sitting at the water’s edge in the high heat of the day. It didn’t matter, my mind was flooded with the things which had been shared with me. Secret things of the heart. Looking at the pool in front of me I could imagine the faith of Peter….I could walk on water! I just need to stop listening to the wind of other voices crying out, casting doubt into my thoughts.

Matthew 14:24-33 but the boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, It is a ghost! and they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid. And Peter answered him, Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water. He said, Come. So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, Lord, save me. Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, O you of little faith, why did you doubt? And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, Truly you are the Son of God.